


Something So Strong

by Allthephils



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Cheating, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Oral Sex, Sortof, There is grey area cheating but not on eachother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 20:20:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 24,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16166276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allthephils/pseuds/Allthephils
Summary: Dan and Phil were the best of friends with some incredible benefits. Over a decade apart did nothing to weaken the bond between them but rekindling their friendship isn’t as simple as it should be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I started a couple months back but deleted. It has been completely rewritten.

“Oh my god, Phil?”

Phil doesn’t love being approached in his personal time. He does love his fans though and he knows he should be grateful it still happens. He takes a breath, puts on his sweetest smile, and turns around. 

“It is you! I can’t believe this.” It’s not a fan. Phil would know those dimples anywhere.

“Dan? What are you doing here?”

“Feeding money into the corporate machine because I couldn’t wait any longer for coffee, of course.” His smile is the same. How is that possible? He’s beautiful and Phil realizes he staring but his mouth feels dry and he can’t seem to remember how sentences work.

“Your hair!” Dan’s flare for the dramatic has him sounding mesmerized, his eyes dancing over Phil’s quiff, mouth open. “You look great Phil.” 

This is what you say to a long lost friend. It’s nothing special. Phil does look great, he’s made a lot of changes this year and his confidence is through the roof. Looking at Dan though, he feels 22 again, unsure of whether he’s worthy of anyone’s attention, afraid to speak lest he say something embarrassing. 

Phil’s voice shakes, “My hair? What about your hair?” Dan combs his own fingers through his waves, looking up at the piece that falls into his eyes. Phil continues, “I remember how much you hated those curls. I was the only one who ever got to see them.” 

He goes silent, not sure he should have said that, not sure if he should be harkening back to their time together. He should probably keep this casual. He should probably stop looking at Dan’s lips, still chapped after all this time. He should definitely not reach up and curl his finger into that one ringlet that’s always misbehaved. He shouldn’t but he does.

“This one was my favorite.” Phil’s voice has dropped lower. They’re both stood in the Starbucks, just taking up space in front of the bakery case, watching eachother, all smiles. There’s so much tension, like lovers who’ve been apart for weeks or months. It hasn’t been months though, it’s been years, 11 years to be exact. Phil has lived a lot of life but not a day has gone by that he didn’t think of Dan. 

Dan clears his throat, breaking the tension but only slightly. “So you live in London now?”

Phil really isn’t interested in small talk.

“Yeah, I do. Hey, how did you know it was me? Like from behind?” Phil watches as Dan lifts his reusable coffee cup to his lips. He takes a long slow sip, looking up at Phil through his lashes, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. Phil’s cheeks burn pink and he breathes a laugh. That’s not small talk, that’s something else entirely. Phil reminds himself that Dan was always a cheeky, flirty little shit and that probably hasn’t changed. It doesn’t mean he’s feeling what Phil is feeling. What is Phil feeling? Nostalgia for sure, nothing too deep, but more than attraction. He’s pretty sure he’d feel something about anyone standing around looking this good at Starbucks but this one has a very particular history. This one knows Phil’s most sensitive places, his secret kinks, some of which he hasn’t shared with anyone since. He knows what Phil sounds like when he cries and when he cums. He knows how to make Phil laugh so hard, he can’t breathe and how to make his skin buzz and hum so his breath catches with every touch. Phil’s been single too long, maybe it’s clouding his judgement. All he knows is there is a raw and heated desire growing at the pit of his stomach. All he knows is he can remember exactly how to unravel the man in front of him and he’s dying to know what new things he’s learned. Phil swallows, pushing his inappropriate thoughts to the back of the line. 

“So Dan, are you free now? We need to catch up. And since we’re already at Starbucks...”

Dan’s smile falls. “Oh, yeah, no. I have to get back to work.” He rubs the back of his neck, he’s clearly conflicted and Phil worries that he did something wrong.

“Ok, I get it. yeah, I should be editing anyway. It was really good to see you, Dan.” Phil turns back to finally order his coffee. He tells himself he’s being ridiculous, he tries to quiet his vivid memory.

“Phil wait, maybe we can meet up later. Not tonight, but tomorrow night? Are you free?”

He’s not free and he absolutely doesn’t care. “Yeah, I’m free. You wanna get dinner?”   
Dan’s gnawing on his lip. “I can’t do dinner. Drinks though, I can do drinks. Ten o’clock? Let me get your number.”

Phil locks his eyes with Dan’s. “It’s the same number.”

Dan picks up his phone and scrolls a bit. “Ha. Would you look at that. I’ve got your number, Lester.” Dan’s phone vibrates in his hand. “I’ve gotta run, Phil. I’ll text you.” And he’s walking away. Phil hears him apologizing on the phone, saying he’ll be right there. He hears,  _ I know babe, I’m sorry, I’m on my way right now.  _ Phil curses his assumptions and tries his best to ignore the jealous squeeze in his chest. Drinks with an old friend is fine, more than fine. It’ll be fun. He tells himself this again and again but he can’t shake the feeling that something lies ahead. On the way home, he stops at a little boutique and buys a new bottle of fragrance, just a small one. He’s been wanting to try something new, it has nothing to do with drinks with an old friend tomorrow night. It smells of leather and cedarwood but there’s a hint of jasmine. It doesn’t smell like Phil, it smells like Dan. Not 2009 Dan though, Dan that he saw today, grown up, confident, so different but exactly the same.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	2. Chapter 2

Phil wanted to be seated comfortably and one drink in when Dan arrived. He knows that, for him, making an entrance means tripping over his sasquatch feet or bumping into a server with a tray full of drinks. He wants to create the illusion that he’s cool and confident, even if the illusion will be swiftly dashed when he starts talking. This bar is pretty swanky, not someplace Phil would normally go, though Phil doesn’t normally go anywhere. Dan had suggested it, saying it’s quiet, perfect for catching up. It is quiet and it’s also romantic. The walls are a deep red and the dark wood furniture is accented in velvet and silk. Soft music plays and couples dot the room in various stages of date progression, their tables candlelit. Phil wonders if Dan realized it was such a sultry place. He orders a Bee’s Knees and fidgets with his napkin, waiting. 

Ten o’clock rolls around, ten-fifteen, ten-twenty five. He’s not coming. Phil swallows a lump, reminding himself that he’s not being stood up. It’s just drinks with a friend. He probably fell asleep after a great dinner with whoever he called babe on the phone yesterday. Phil orders another drink, an Aviation this time. The bartender has a huge porn style mustache that Phil thinks is not at all sanitary. He gives Phil a look that says he knows he’s waiting for someone, someone who isn’t coming. Phil looks to the door just as it opens. He watches as Dan trips over the mat a bit, making his own mildly disruptive entrance. He purses his lips, fighting back a smile. The bartender looks to Dan and back to Phil with a knowing grin and Phil breaks, his excitement written all over his face. Dan looks incredible in a black jumper and slim black trousers. He’s wearing bright white trainers and there’s a hint of ankle peaking out. His hair bounces, actually bounces, as he walks toward Phil. He never thought he’d see this again, Dan walking toward him, happy to see him, eyes twinkling even in the dim lighting. 

Back at the table now, he sets down his drink and turns, his arms open. Reaching out to shake hands, Dan pauses. There’s a brief moment of awkward adjustment but soon Phil’s arms are around the man that taught him what it means to really know someone. So many of his best memories are wrapped up in this tall and clearly nervous package. Phil pulls Dan in tight, not sure if this will be a one time thing, but certain he’s going to soak in every bit of Dan while he can. He breathes in deep, his nose nuzzling into Dan’s neck of it’s own accord. He expects Dan to pull away. That was totally inappropriate after all. He doesn’t though, instead he does much the same thing and Phil feels Dan’s soft cheek brush against the skin of his neck as he takes in the scent of Phil. They forget where they are for a moment, they forget who they are, what year it is. Finally, they pull apart and Dan swallows, his eyes on Phil’s adam’s apple. 

“Sorry I’m late,” Dan’s voice is soft, “you smell amazing.”

“I’m glad you made it.” Phil says, bringing Dan back to reality, though he wishes he could keep him just like that, scoop him up, and carry him home. Knowing he still has an effect on Dan, any effect, feels too good. 

“Oh, yeah. I’m so sorry. My life is nuts, I’m hard to pin down. It’s good to see you.” Dan sits and they settle in to catching up. Turns out Dan hated being a lawyer. He works as a consultant now in the entertainment industry. Phil is fascinated by every dry detail. He listens to Dan talk for two hours, asking questions, completely rapt. He’d forgotten how much he loved his voice. He would honestly listen to Dan read the phonebook. He loves the way his mind works too, always thinking through a hundred scenarios at once, desperate to not let anyone down. Even at 34, with all his shit together, he’s unsure, always questioning. 

Dan asks about Phil too but the conversation tends to steer back to Dan. Phil does mention that he’s single and has been for a year. He mentions a long relationship that was great but just sort of fizzled out and Dan looks down at his drink, stirring it, contemplating. Phil knows he should ask Dan his relationship status. If they’re going to hug like that again, even just to say goodbye, he really should know if Dan is taken. Dan had the opportunity to mention it twice now and he chose not to. Phil can’t bring himself to ask, he already knows the answer. 

Dan orders his third drink and Phil orders his fourth. Four is his tipping point and he knows it. Maybe a small part of him wants an excuse to make bad decisions. Maybe he can tell himself he was drunk and so into Dan that he forgot Dan probably has a partner. Maybe he can stop being so bloody well behaved all the time and take Dan home with him. 

“Last call, lovers, you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.” The bartender sounds awfully civilized to be delivering such a cliche end to the night.

“Shit, it’s late. I should go.” Dan starts to get up.

_ Don’t go.  _ Phil isn’t ready for this to end. He can’t stand the thought of going home alone right now but more than that, he can’t imagine walking away from Dan and just going back to the way things were.

“I could use some air. Walk with me?” Phil sucks in his bottom lip. That always worked on Dan, his version of puppy dog eyes. Dan heaves a sigh and Phil knows it still works. 

“Still a lightweight, huh? OK, around the block. Let’s get you some air. It’s cold though, bundle up.” Dan picks up Phil’s coat and holds it open. Phil steps inside, not totally steady on his feet. They walk along, shoulder to shoulder, arms folded against the cold. The tip of Dan’s nose turns red and Phil just wants to kiss it so badly. They giggle and joke, nudging and bumping each other like a couple teenagers who can’t keep their hands off each other. Like them, 16 years ago, just friends but so amped up with chemistry, it’s ridiculous. They end up back in front of the bar. Dan puts his hands in his coat pockets but Phil has a hand on his arm just above his wrist, steadying himself but really, anchoring Dan. He doesn’t want to him to float away.

Dan tells him he really has to go. He orders him a car and says he’ll wait till Phil is safely on his way home. 

“Or you could come with me.” The minute he says it, guilt rises in Phil’s throat. “I mean, shit, Dan, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t drink. Ever. No filter. It’s no excuse though, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s ok.” Dan says. He’s moved in a closer so Phil’s arm is bent now. “I wish I could I just…Dammit.” His phone rings, the sound is jarring in the still of the night. He silences it and looks at the ground. Phil misses his eyes already. The car arrives. They say their goodbyes, promising to do it again soon. Phil tries his best to show Dan he means it, with a squeeze of his hand and pleading eyes. They don’t hug but Dan holds Phil’s hand, bending as he gets into the car, until they are forced to slowly let go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	3. Chapter 3

Phil sits up in bed with his laptop, watching a very young version of he and Dan on the screen.  These two kids exchanging banter, laughing, flirting, One always watching the other through the screen. When he thinks what they had done just before filming, when he think what they had done after that tackle, he blushes still. That had been fun to watch back during editing. Back then, Phil had simply followed his instincts. When a pretty boy with dimples and emo hair flirted with him, he’d loved the attention, the little bit of hero worship. He certainly wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to play. The fact that he and Dan were simultaneously building a close friendship seemed like the cherry on top. It never occurred to him that someone could get hurt or that the someone could be him. 

 

By the time they met, the tension between them was taut. It didn't take much for it to snap. Alone with Dan in his parent's house, Phil had been showing off his camera, giving the full AmazingPhil behind the scenes tour. They sat on the bed, Dan staring, mouth agape, practically watering, as he watched Phil click through his editing software. Finally Phil had stopped showing off long enough to notice that his new best friend was flushed pink and definitely not paying attention to a word he was saying. Phil had been so cool, or so he thought.  _ You wanna make out?  _ God, the thought of it now was absolutely cringe inducing.

Of course, Dan had shrugged and bit his lip, lowered his chin and looked up through his long lashes. It was like he took a course in body language and was checking off every seductive, come hither signal in the book. When their lips met, it was electric. Within minutes they were unceremoniously grinding against each other. It all concluded with Dan cumming in his pants before watching Phil jack himself off. It didn’t quite live up to the fantasies they’d shared online but it relieved the tension at least. They’d cleaned up and filmed a video, Phil is Not on Fire. Dan had to come up with some kind of YouTube name for himself and in true, LOL random fashion, had chose Dan is Not on Fire. 

 

They were dripping with chemistry, all over each other. They knew each other so well, fans asked if they’d known each other for years, if they were brothers, if they were boyfriends. The answer was no of course, they were just; Dan and Phil. And that was enough. It was perfect. They were the absolute best of friends with no shame, no boundaries, no holding back. After that first rushed experience, they’d just continued the pattern. Have a sleepover, play video games, make a video, talk about life, get naked. It didn’t seem unusual to them. 

 

What Phil hadn't expected was for the sex to get better, but it did. It got better than he could have imagined. He’d had one serious girlfriend and lots of hookups with guys, but it had never felt like this. To be fair, there had been so much build up. Before they met, they had spent hours exploring a very grey area of their friendship online. Dan knew what Phil liked because he'd described every filthy detail, first by text, after Dan had asked,  _ What’s it like? With a guy?  _ Then later, over Skype, watching Dan respond to his voice, his hand down the front of his unzipped jeans. Eventually, they let go of the pretense and lost the jeans all together. Phil knew what Dan liked too. He had walked him through most of it, teaching him, helping him learn his own body. 

That’s what friends do, right? Help each other? The sex was a side effect. Phil had never experienced a connection like he felt with Dan and he hasn’t since. A friendship like that is unique. Add to that, two beautiful boys bursting with hormones and it was bound to happen.

 

Phil watched the video through a few times along with the PG-13 version, AmazingDan and PINOF 2 from the following year. He wonders why they’d lost touch. They could have kept tweeting and skyping like they had before they met. Why had Dan left Phil’s emails unanswered? In reality, he knows the answers to those questions, but right now, he’s not in the mood to be realistic. Phil thinks some divine hand has intervened, bringing Dan back to him. The connection is still palpable, the conversation so easy. He’s not so sure it’s a good thing that the chemistry is still there but he’s not 22 anymore. He’s got better judgement now, he can delay gratification, he can respect boundaries. So why can’t he stop feeling the ghost of Dan’s cheek on his neck? Why does Dan’s laugh echo in his ears everytime he lets the room go quiet? Why does he miss him so much?

 

Phil closes his laptop and picks up his phone. He opens the text conversation from yesterday. It had been utilitarian, just making arrangements. He hoped he’d hear from Dan today, that they’d fall back into friendship as easily as they had fallen into it the first time. He’s got nothing to lose so he types out a message.

**Phil:** Hi Dan. I just wanted to thank you for coming out last night. I had a great time. It was almost like no time had passed. Sorry I got so drunk. I may have been a tad nervous. And the cocktails were tasty. That bartender though, what was his deal? Let’s get lunch soon. I’d love to hear more about your work. Maybe somewhere without a bar. I have terrible self control around you. 

 

Geez, he rambles when he’s nervous. Or maybe he really doesn’t have self control where it concerns Dan. He deletes the whole thing.

 

**Phil:** Hi

 

He hits send. Almost immediately, there’s a response.

 

**Dan:** Hey. I’m glad you texted. I had a good time last night.

 

Phil does a little happy dance right there in his bed.

 

**Phil:** So did I. Sorry I got tabled.

 

**Dan:** Don’t be. You were hilarious. I told you I had a good time. 

 

**Dan:** Phil, I’m so glad I ran into you. 

 

**Phil:** Me too. When can we hang out again? 

 

There’s no response. It gets late and Phil resists the urge to to send another message. He shouldn’t take it personally. Dan’s very likely in a relationship, he’s got a professional career, he’s busy.  He has no obligation to prioritize Phil. Still, he checks his phone every few minutes, making sure the ringer is on, checking the battery. He tells himself it’s fine, he has plenty of friends. It’s not like he can’t get laid, if he wants to. Still though, he’s disappointed. Actually, he’s not disappointed, he’s sad. Phil lays down with the phone in his hand, hoping Dan is still a night owl. He falls asleep waiting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	4. Chapter 4

**Dan:** I’m so sorry I left you hanging Phil. I got tied up. I’m the worst. 

 

It had been five days. Five days of Phil telling himself to get a grip, that 11 years is a long time and he couldn’t expect he and Dan to just fall into that easy rhythm like no time had passed. It’s just one of those things where you say you’ll keep in touch but you don’t. He’ll be sad and miss him and get some drinks with friends and eat some pizza and it’ll be ok. Of course, the moment Phil resigns himself to moving on is the moment he hears from Dan. 

  
  


**Dan:** Can I make it up to you? 

 

Taking five days to respond to a text is rude by anyone’s standards and Phil’s standards are high. He doesn’t play games and he doesn’t put up with being manipulated or deceived. He should be irritated, angry even. Instead, he feels relief, and he feels butterflies fluttering beneath his rib cage at the very mention of seeing Dan again. 

 

**Dan:** Let’s do something we used to do.

 

Something they used to do. A totally innocent offer that has Phil imagining all the not so innocent things they’ve done.

 

**Dan:** Let me take you to the cinema.

 

Phil’s hands are tucked into his pockets for warmth, his coat zipped tight around him. He’s about half a block from the cinema when he sees him. He looks sleek in all black, his coat covered in unnecessary details, they’re subtle though. He looks expensive. He looks like exactly what he is, a lawyer who consults for the entertainment industry. He wears his success well. Dan’s looking down at his phone, some things never change, oblivious to the teenage girls hanging out outside the cinema that are blatantly checking him out. One appears to be sneaking a photo. When they were young, Phil had thought it was so cool that Dan could be that pretty and just sort of shrug it off as a given. He was always aware that people found him attractive but he just didn’t bother to care. Phil’s heartbeat quickens as he steps into Dan’s space. 

“Hey.”

Dan looks up, startled. “Oh! Hey. Sorry, always working.” He puts out his arms and Phil practically falls into him. He’s waited almost a week for this hug. Once again, Dan breathes deep against Phil’s neck, though it’s tightly wrapped by the collar of his coat. 

“Oh I see how it is.” Dan says, “You always smell this good. I thought maybe that was just for me the other night.” Dan smiles that big toothy smile, his impossibly wide, beautifully dimpled grin that Phil could never get enough of. 

Phil thinks maybe he was wrong, maybe they can just pick up where they left off. Dan seems so much more at ease and right now, this just feels like old times. Dan and Phil at the Cinema about to buy a ridiculously large popcorn and a bag of Haribo. They’re going to see something Dan chose because Phil’s already seen everything on his list. 

They head into the crowded theatre and seek out their seats only to find someone else is sitting there. 

“Oi, those are our seats, mate.” Dan says without hesitation. Phil laughs at the sudden display of bravado, but that’s so like Dan, totally awkward on his own but ready to throw down for the two of them. They’re just kids sitting there, maybe 18 at the most. They look unimpressed until one of them looks at Phil.

“AmazingPhil! Oh my god, we stole AmazingPhil’s seats!” They both stand, “this is crazy. It’s so good to meet you.” She gives Phil a odd sort of hug around his arm full of popcorn. 

“Hey! Nice to meet you too. Outa my seats though, yeah?” Phil flashes a signature smile.

“Of course, so sorry dad.” They giggle as they leave.

Wide eyed, Dan remarks, “Dad?”

“It’s not how it sounds.” Phil can’t help but laugh, Dan looks so shocked. “I’m just old and my videos have gotten very parental, lots of advice and dad jokes.”

Dan cocks his head and raises his eyebrows. “Mmm hmm, sure Phil.”

If it it wasn’t before, the ice is definitely broken now. They settle right in to mocking the ads and banter back and forth until the previews begin. Phil shushes Dan with a finger up and Dan pretends to bite it. It’s comfortable, just like it always was. About half way through the film, Phil realizes he’s mostly been watching the way Dan’s knee keeps bumping into his. He tries to focus but those legs are distracting, so long and more toned than they used to be. 

Dan sets the empty popcorn tub under his seat and reaches into Phil’s lap for a handful of Haribo. He just reaches into the open bag as it rests right over Phil’s zipper. Just like old times, in more ways than one. Phil swallows but doesn’t flinch. He refuses to show any fluster. They are friends and that’s got to be it for now. 

Before he can repeat that mantra to himself, a big, familiar hand has come to rest on his thigh. Fingers wrap around to the space between Phil’s legs and Dan’s thumb slowly rubs back and forth.

Phil’s staring ahead at the movie though he has no idea what’s been happening. His breath is steady, too steady, too intentional. Flirting is one thing, touching is something entirely different. He should move Dan’s hand. Just pick it up and move it off his leg. No need to ever mention it again. He can’t though, he just can’t. It feels so good, so warm and secure. He can let himself have this one thing. This one thing and also the next thing, Dan’s head lolling over onto Phil’s shoulder, his voice a whisper in his ear.

“I missed you, Phil.”

The movie lets out and Phil hurries outside. He needs the cold air on his skin to ground him, bring him back down to earth. 

“You wanna grab a drink?” Dan asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No, I’d better get home. I’ve got meetings tomorrow.”

“Ok, well I’ve got my car. Let me take you home. To your home.” He’s trying to keep his tone light but it’s clear to Phil that something is different as they walk around the block to Dan’s car. Dan had crossed a line and Phil wants to keep crossing it. He wants to push Dan up against the brick wall and bite into that smooth flesh below his ear. He wants to make Dan beg him for more and he knows he could. But he won’t, not until he knows what the hell is going on.

They pull up to the curb in front of Phil’s flat and Phil thanks him for the movie and for the ride. He doesn’t lean in. He doesn’t dare. 

Dan blinks slowly, his head lowering instinctively. “I could come up. Just for a cuppa. It’s early yet.” His voice is low, it rolls through Phil’s entire body like a wave rolling back from the shore.

“No Dan, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” Dan leans his elbow on his leg, bringing his face closer to Phil’s. 

“Because Dan, our friendship is really important to me.” Phil holds Dan’s gaze, hoping he can see how difficult this is.

“Of course it is. It’s important to me too, Phil.” He straightens up a bit. 

Phil knows his body will betray him if Dan so much as kisses his cheek. He needs to say this out loud, “Yes Dan, but right now, I don’t want to be your friend,” in no uncertain terms, “I want to take your clothes off.”

Dan twitches the smallest hint of a smirk at Phil. “So take my clothes off.”

“Dan.” Phil exhales and shakes his head. “You used to be braver than this.”

“Braver?” Dan’s expression is pained, “what are you talking about?”

“Good night Dan.” Phil’s climbs out of the car and walks away without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	5. Chapter 5

The buzzer is too loud for this early in the day. Phil hasn’t had his coffee yet, he’s still wet from the shower. He dries his hair quickly and pulls on a jumper, still in his pants. The screen next to the door comes into focus as he gets to it, pushing his glasses into place, grumbling something about how it’s not bloody 1985, who just comes to the goddamn door in this day and age. 

He’s not looking up into the camera, he’s looking toward the ground actually. Typical. The angle shouldn’t be flattering but the aerial view of curls and lashes and long legs is enough to knock the wind out of Phil. 

“Dan? What are you…?”

Dan holds up 2 coffees and a bag, presumably a bag of pastries, and honestly that coffee is as enticing to Phil right now as the lashes and the curls. He buzzes him up.

“First floor, number 3.”

 

Still, he’s not pleased as he opens the door for Dan, standing in pants and a dinosaur jumper, hair mussed.

“Hey, I brought peace offerings.” Dan hands the bag and a coffee to Phil. The flat is old and lush with white wooden molding and big, tall windows. The kitchen is too modern for this place, updated within an inch of its life. There’s a window that looks out onto a small garden and a very out of place bistro table next to it. It’s Phil’s favorite spot in the place, where he always has his coffee. He sets the cups there and goes to get a plate for whatever is in the bag. 

“Phil, this place is gorgeous. It’s so you. Well done.” Dan watches Phil walk back to the table, getting everything just so. “You wanna put some trousers on? This conversation might be more complicated with you looking like that.”

“You show up at my house first thing in the morning, before my coffee. And now you want me to put trousers on?”

“No, no, never mind. Sorry. Just thought you’d want to be on equal footing.” Dan sits and slides a plate toward himself.

“Nope, I think I quite like having the upper hand.” Phil says without a shred of sarcasm.

They sit and drink. Dan stays quiet a while, thinking it best to get some coffee in to Phil before doing whatever it is he came here to do but Phil has a realization and breaks the silence, “How did you know which flat to buzz? I don’t have my real name on the directory.”

Dan cocks an eyebrow, “Really? Striker isn’t much of a code name, Phil.”

Phil intends to stay annoyed, to ask Dan who the hell he thinks he is, just dropping by like this. He tries his best not to open up and slip in to easy conversation but it’s unavoidable. He ends up telling Dan all about his editing work, how that’s his main source of income now, editing for other YouTubers and consulting on tours and merch, helping them design a career that works. Dan always had something to add, good advice and guidance from his far more logical mind, but now he just listens. He’s fascinated, genuinely impressed and god, Phil forgot how good it feels to make Dan proud of him.

Coffee’s gone, pastries just crumbs on the plate, Phil pulls out of the moment for a bit. He can’t exactly pretend nothing happened last night. He wishes he could, but he can’t.

“This is really nice, Dan, but I assume you didn’t come here for a chat over breakfast.”

“Actually, I kinda did.” Dan answers. “I just wanted to spend some time with you. I feel like I cocked it up last night.”

Phil smiles, “No pun intended.” He’s really failing at this whole having boundaries thing but the laugh it earns him is worth it.

 

He stands to bring the plates to the sink and it's hard to miss the expression on Dan’s face. Maybe he forgot Phil was in his pants but he’s definitely aware of it now. Phil knows that look, it brings him back to that first day in his room, to every visit they had back then. He stands at the sink and washes the plates, dries them, opens a cupboard and reaches up to set the plates on a high shelf where they don’t belong. Dan is watching his every move, he’s absolutely sure of that and he wants to see it. Phil turns and leans on the counter, so casual, elbows back, his figure on display, long legs crossed at the ankles. He isn’t sure when Dan stood up but he’s slowly making his way across the kitchen. He needs to go, Phil thinks, he needs to go now because his rational side is arguing with his primal, impulsive side and it’s running out of good reasons to resist. 

“Dan, I really do have meetings. You should probably get going.”  _ Say it, Phil. Shut this down. “ _ And I know there’s someone waiting for you.” 

“No, there really isn’t.” He stops just short of Phil. “Phil, our friendship...I know you aren’t sure…”

“I’m not.” His intentions are good. His mind is in the right place but his body hasn’t budged.

“What do you want, Phil?” Dan asks softly.

“I don’t think I can have what I want.” He shouldn’t have said that.

“You can.” Dan inches closer, so close Phil can smell sweet chocolate and coffee on his breath. “You can literally have whatever you want.” 

All Phil would have to do is stand up straight and the space left between them would close and quiet all this noise. 

Slowly, he pulls away from the counter, standing properly. His chest presses to Dan’s and he feels a hand wrap around to his lower back and tuck under his jumper. “Ok?” Dan breathes the question into his ear and something gives in Phil, some well of reserve has run dry and he’s walking forward until Dan is backed up against the door to the garden. Dan’s mouth is on his, hot and wet, licking into Phil’s. It’s not graceful, it’s chaos. Phil reaches down and pulls his jumper up and off and begins working feverishly to open Dan’s shirt. Their skin pressing together is intoxicating. Phil’s hips roll into Dan of their own volition, again and again. Their breathing is loud and heavy, Dan’s tiny moans slipping through. He can feel the firm ridge of Dan’s erection pushing into his hip. The want is too much, He feels like he’s slipping away.  _ Stop Phil. Fucking stop.  _ He pulls his mouth away to say he can’t or no or something, but then Dan is on his knees and the words won’t come. 

“Yes. Fuck, Dan. Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	6. Chapter 6

Dan had stood, taking a moment to catch his breath. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and smiled. The smile turned to laughter then Phil joined in too.

“Wasn’t expecting that.” Dan said, “should probably let you get to your meetings.”

“Yeah. I’m definitely going to be late. You gonna be ok?” Dan adjusted himself and shrugged, his dimples on full display. When they’d said goodbye, it was all sweet smiles and soft giggles, nuzzling one another before pulling apart, Dan looking over his shoulder as he walked out the door. Anyone watching would have thought they’d spent the night making breathless love, not that they’d spent 15 minutes on Dan blowing Phil in the kitchen. 

Phil pulls on pajamas and puts his jumper back on, positioning his laptop so it looks like he’s fully dressed. Focus stays just out of reach all day but he manages to fake it. He’s been doing this long enough that autopilot passes for the real thing. By the time he‘s completed the day’s meetings and checked off the must do today portion of his list, the sun is setting. There’s a glass of water sitting on the table that he had intended to drink between coffees. He drinks the whole thing in one go and pushes back from the desk, stretching. 

The voices in his head have quieted considerably, pushed out by endorphins and oxytocin. Now he only hears,  _ No, there really isn’t.  _ Nothing about that response is satisfactory, nothing about it is clear. Phil makes a choice to let it be enough. Spending time with Dan feels too good. Their connection is just so easy. Even with all of his friends, and Phil has plenty of friends, he just never found that kind of synergy with anyone else. Finishing each other's sentences is a cliche but they really did. They could communicate things in a single look that were impossible to put into words. Dan was there for him in a way no one else could be because no one else had ever understood him, not really. And he understood Dan as well. He wants to believe he still does, though he knows he doesn’t really know this version of Dan. There would be work to do to build their friendship to what it used to be. These things always take work. Then again, it didn’t take any work back then. Maybe that’s just something we tell ourselves to feel better about our dysfunctional relationships. 

Dinner is leftover pad Thai and he eats it standing up in the kitchen, staring at the back door. Goosebumps bristle over the back of his neck as he replays the way he started his day. Phil has always considered Dan’s mouth one of the great pleasures of his life. A blow job is a blow job but it’s something else entirely from Dan. He figures that’s owing to the fact that they read each other so well. If more best friends blew each other, maybe they’d have a similar experience. They don’t call it friends with benefits for nothing. That seems to be what Dan wants. Friends with benefits, just like before. Phil’s not sure that’s going to work now, now that he has years of love and sex and hurt and wisdom under his belt. Just take it one step at a time, he tells himself, don’t worry about what comes next. 

Phil is climbing into bed when the message comes through. Apparently, Dan learns from his mistakes.

**Dan:** Thank you for this morning. That was so nice.

Phil grabs his glasses, reads it over twice, and thinks carefully about what to say. His initial reaction,  _ It was nice, get over here and do it again,  _ is probably not the best response _.  _

**Phil:** You’re thanking me? I’ll admit I was cross that you just showed up but that was really nice. And I don’t just mean the end.

**Dan:** Good. Sorry I made you cross.

**Phil:** I feel like I owe you one.

**Dan:** You don’t owe me anything. I got as much out of it as you did.

**Phil:** Really? REALLY?

**Dan:** Lol, yes Phil. I’m orally fixated. Putting things in my mouth makes me happy.      And you are one of my favorite things.

 

Phil has no idea how to respond to that. He wants to know he still matters to Dan, he wants that so much, even in this stripped down sort of way. He could go there so easily. With just a few words, Dan would be putty in his hands, there’s no doubt. He could call him, talk to him in that low voice, his northern accent coming through. Listen to his breathing, hear the slap of skin in the background, talk him all the way through. Instead, he pulls back. It’s too much right now, too much and not enough. Their friendship though, that’s something he never thought he’d get back and he needs to put it first, to tread lightly.

 

**Phil:** You’re one of my favorite things too, Dan. I’ve got to get some sleep. Goodnight.

**Dan:** Goodnight Phil

 

Phil’s got a meeting with his manager the next day. She refuses to FaceTime because she knows he’s sat there in his underwear and she says she can't take him seriously like that. He doesn’t mind as long as they meet over lunch. He’s not about to leave the house just to sit in a stuffy office. They stuff themselves with Vietnamese food in Chinatown, talking business and kids and divorce. Her life seems leaps and bounds ahead to Phil, or maybe just off to the side. Sometimes he feels like he hasn’t had enough hardship for a man his age. His parents are healthy and still happily married, he never married and isn’t planning on it. No kids, no big messy breakups. He jokes aloud that he should get a dog just to complicate things a bit. Marianne reminds him that he runs several businesses and maintains a carefully cultivated brand everyday. She hugs him goodbye and says he dodged a bullet, staying single. Phil hugs her extra tight, it’s a rough spot she’s in and he can’t really imagine how it feels. 

He wanders through this favorite place of his, taking in the architecture and art he’s seen a million times. It never loses its appeal. Before heading home, he stops for bubble tea. 

“What’s the point of bubble tea if you don’t get the tapioca?”

Phil spins to see Dan standing there, clearly dressed for work.  _ Goddamn.  _ Dan in a suit is a lot. Before he can pick his jaw up off the floor, Dan has wrapped him up in a hug. He wears such a wide smile, just the most inviting, dimpled, friendly smile Phil has seen in years.

“Dan!” Phil has two modes around Dan, speechless and hopelessly rambling. “I get fruit jellies, they taste like Japan. Those little balls are like some kind of alien impregnation eggs or something. And they pop and squirt on your tongue and its gross and it's even worse if you swallow them whole.” He pauses. 

Dan’s got one brow raised, silently judging everything Phil says with a smirk. “You're mixing your oddly sexual tapioca metaphors, mate.”

Phil takes his drink from the clerk and tells himself to seriously chill the hell out as he waits on a stool by the door. Dan’s got his grey-purple true to brand drink in hand so they both head out to walk around. 

“I swear I’m not stalking you. I’m in the west end more days than not, for work. It’s nice to walk over here.”

Phil wishes he could walk backward so he could see the way Dan’s jacket lays over his flat stomach. He wants to know what color his socks are under those trousers. Instead, he mostly stares at the side of Dan’s face and watches him pucker his lips around his straw. 

“I figured. Remember when we came here?” Phil says, “London seemed so huge and so far away. We got bubble tea in that same spot, though it’s changed hands a few times since then.”

“Oh, I remember.” We went to the art house cinema. What did we see?”

“True Romance.” Phil doesn’t miss a beat.

“Oh my god yes! Great film. I thought you were so edgy for suggesting it. You were so cool.” He bumps his hip into Phil’s. 

“Well, you’ve got me beat now for sure, Dan. Look at you.” Phil stops and does just that. “You look incredible. I can‘t believe how far you’ve come. I’m really proud of you.”

“Phil.” The apples of Dan’s cheeks are pink now and he looks down at his feet. Sometimes, out of nowhere, he looks so young. “Shucks. Stop making me all mushy.”

Back to speechless, this time by choice, Phil watches Dan being Dan, so full of kinetic energy. Standing, face to face in a crowd seems to be their MO.

“Ooh! You know what? I have the whole weekend free. Can you hang out? We could go somewhere? The beach? Manchester?” 

 

Dan wants to go away together. And Manchester, all their roots are in Manchester. Phil’s not sure he’s ready for that. But spending the night with Dan in a beautiful hotel overlooking the sea sounds perfect. It’s been so long since Phil just got away for a bit. 

“This weekend? Um, yeah, ok.” No smiling, Phil, just be nonchalant. “Have you ever been to Canterbury. It’s a 90 minute drive.There are castles and beaches and this amazing underground museum with these crazy mosaics.”

**“** Wow Phil.” Dan says, starting them walking again. “So cultured. Sounds perfect. I can drive.”

**“** Cool, I’ll book us a place to stay. One night?” Phil’s heart might as well have stopped for the way it’s squeezing, waiting for Dan’s answer.

”Two, I can leave Friday at noon, and I just need to be back by Monday morning.”

“Two nights.” Phil says. “Sounds good. See you Friday I guess.”

“I can’t wait.” Dan’s looking Phil right in the eye and he bites his lip. He bites his fucking lip, the little shit. A part of Phil wants to roll his eyes but a bigger part of him wants to kiss him so he does. It’s just a small kiss goodbye on the cheek but Dan jerks back so abruptly, he runs into someone walking by behind him.

“Sorry.” Phil stammers. “I’m sorry Dan, I just, I thought…”

“It’s ok, it’s ok, I’m sorry.” Dan’s nervous, everything’s different. “It’s just, I work around here, people know me.” 

“Ok. People know me everywhere I go, Dan.”

“I know, I’m sorry. It's complicated for me.” He reaches to touch the back of Phil’s hand softly. “It’s fine Phil. I’ll see you Friday.” He smiles and Phil’s worries are subdued in the face of the prospect of more of this particular touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	7. Chapter 7

Phil opens the browser on his phone and searches  _ romantic seaside hotels Canterbury.  _ He’s going over outfits in his mind, he’s making lists of places to take Dan. He’s getting ahead of himself, that seems to be the theme this week and he has no intention of slowing down. Phil imagines showing Dan the castles and the galleries. Telling him how the mosaics were part of a wealthy Roman home and how they were uncovered after being bombed in world war 2. He’ll be thoroughly impressed with Phil’s knowledge of history and art, of course. They’ll head back to the hotel and sit on the balcony, sipping room service cocktails. It’ll be cold so they’ll share a chaise and bring a blanket out to pull over them. Hands will wander and one thing will lead to another. He zeros in on that image, the image of being under the covers with Dan, this new Dan with his curly hair and wicked style but with the same cocky attitude and sweet vulnerability. 

Phil reaches under his own covers and pushes his boxer briefs down. He can see Dan’s lips, feel his hands as they rucked his jumper up this morning, those strong fingers pressing into his sacrum. He closes his eyes and let’s the picture come into focus, those eyes, looking up at him, curl hanging down, tongue lapping over his cock. He didn’t look vulnerable then not even a little. He wraps a hand around himself and strokes. The story plays in his mind, moving into fantasy, back on the balcony at the beach, Dan wrapped in his arms. 

_ I missed you baby,  _ he’ll say. Dan will hum and he’ll hold him closer. He’ll let all the expectations go and just shower Dan with everything he feels when he looks at him. It’s not just lust, there’s admiration too and so much affection. He’ll kiss every inch of him if he let’s him. He’ll roll him over and knead into the taught muscles of his back, down over the dimples above his ass. Dan, with his perfect symmetry, dimples everywhere. Phil does his best to fathom that warm skin beneath his lips, the bones of Dan’s hip under his palms. He’s stroking faster, his other hand pressing behind his balls. He can remember that tight hole opening for him, Dan arching his back, pushing into the stretch, whining for more. They’ll run out of room on the chaise so they’ll stand, bend Dan over against the railing. He’s never quiet, they’ll have to move inside. He’ll lay him down on the lush white bed, push his legs back and fuck him slowly. Phil likes its slow, steady, he likes a little torture. Dan will cry out, harder faster more, and eventually he’ll give it to him. He’ll give him whatever he wants because he’s Dan and he’s everything in these moments. Phil cums with his eyes squeezed shut, his hand twisting over the head of his cock, Dan’s voice in his head,  _ You can have literally have whatever you want.” _

  
  
  


Thursday morning is giddy. Christmas Eve hasn’t got a thing on this anticipation. Phil packs his suitcase with a cosy jumper and his most attractive boxer briefs, the ones that hug him just right in all the best places. He grabs a bottle of lube and a far too long strip of condoms from the bedside drawer, stuffing them into his toiletry bag with the bottle of fragrance he’d bought and all the other necessary things. He ties up all his loose ends so he can truly be work free over the weekend. He needs to pick up some almond milk for his hotel coffee, just in case, and maybe a bottle of wine so he heads out for a walk in the cool air.

Waitrose is expensive, Phil is more of a Tesco guy or a Sainsbury guy when he’s really feeling domestic. Waitrose is closer though, and they have a better wine selection so that’s where he finds himself. This place has a way of pulling you in, making you think you need that jar of truffle oil almonds or that loaf of rosemary sea salt sourdough bread. By the time he’s three aisles in, he’s got the makings of a very gourmet picnic and a basket to put it all in. Dan is going to love this. Phil’s heart flips at the thought of sitting around a beach fire, feeding each other bread dipped in oil. If it’s too cold, they’ll blast the heat and picnic on the balcony. The room he booked is on the 6th floor, overlooking the sea. Perfect.

Phil has no clue how to choose wine, he usually just picks the one with the coolest label in his price range. He’s standing for way too long, googling the names of French wines, looking for words like peppery, and plum. He finds one with notes of dark chocolate and black fruit and he laughs to himself at how completely suited it is to Dan. He pulls it off the shelf and is looking into his trolley, doing inventory, making sure he’s got everything he needs, when he hears, “Excuse me.”

Phil looks up to see a very pretty woman. She’s got black bobbed hair and glasses and is probably about his age. She must be a lifer, someone who’s watched him from the start. 

“I’m so sorry to bother you but, is your name Phil?”

“Yeah, it is. Hi.” Phil says, feeling genuinely friendly in his good mood. He’s got a trolley full of luxury food he could never afford without his fans so the least he can do is chat a little at Waitrose.

“Oh my god, I can't believe this! Dan is going to freak out!” The woman is smiling wide and gesticulating wildly.

“Dan?” Phil asks, confused. Is she talking about his Dan? “I’m sorry, who are you?”

She reaches out to shake Phil’s hand. “Sorry, I’m Jess, I’m just so excited. I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like I know you. You used to know my partner, Dan.”

Phil didn’t hear anything after partner. “Your partner?”

“Boyfriend, partner, whatever. He talks about you all the time. He showed me the videos you guys made when you were kids. You have to come over for dinner.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a business card, handing it to Phil. “Dan is not going to believe this! We were just talking about you. It’s kismet.”

Phil stares at the card in his hand and back to Jess. His mouth feels dry and he’s not sure he can speak without choking on the words but he manages a small, “Wow, yeah. What are the chances?” 

“I’m away this weekend but after that we’re wide-open, let me know when you’re free. We will make time. This is so great!” She shakes Phil’s hand again, with both her hands this time. 

Phil smiles thinly and nods. “Ok, yeah, good to meet you, Jess.” He watches her walk away, wishing he had somewhere to sit. His legs want to give out. He presses his knuckles into his chest in an attempt to dull the physical pain he’s feeling there. Looking down at the contents of his trolley, Phil steadies himself, then walks away, abandoning his groceries in the wine aisle, not stopping till he’s home. Just like that, it’s over, the denial, the rush, the pleasure. Dan was gone, Dan was here, Dan is gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning. Phil is with someone who is not Dan in this chapter.

This helps. The attention and the laughter and the flattery helps. What really helps though is lips wrapped around him as he lay on his back in a bed he doesn’t know. Lips moving up and down along the length of him. Phil’s eyes are fixed on the very good looking man currently doing him a huge favor. His name is John, he repeated to himself, John. Don’t forget.

“Look at me,” He says. “I want to see your eyes.”

John looks up at Phil, his cheeks are red with the effort of sucking and breathing and stroking in coordination but there’s a sweet smile in those eyes. A pang of guilt flashes in Phil but it’s fleeting. It’s just so romantic, isn’t it? I want to see your eyes. In reality, he just needs to focus on the grey green hazel of them. He needs to see that they aren’t that deep chocolate brown he remembers looking up at him from here. This thing, picking someone up, going home with him, watching him suck you off, this is a rare occurrence. Phil had walked straight home, cancelling the reservation on the way. At home, he’d paced, he’d showered, he’d cried, and he’d screamed into his pillow. He needed to something sharp and undeniable to distract him, he needed to drown out the hurt so he made a decision and headed to the closest bar. 

“How’s your night going?” John had asked after sitting next to Phil at the bar. He’s young, maybe 30, Phil hopes he’s at least 30. He didn’t ask. He’ll never grow tired of being hit on by younger men, but he doesn’t usually say yes. Phil had been fairly honest with him. 

“Having a bit of a shit day, tbh.”

John had smiled an absolutely devious smile and said, “Need some cheering up?”

All things considered, John’s doing pretty well. Phil reaches down to brush the shaggy blonde curls from his forehead and says, “come here.”

He climbs up over Phil like he’s climbing a tree, he’s short compared to Phil, maybe 5’7”. He’s tan too and the contrast is stark. He nips at Phil on his way up, giggling till he reaches his ear. “You are so pretty, Phil. Every inch of you.”

Phil’s eyes slip shut of their own accord as John’s tongue winds around his ear lobe. 

“Can I fuck you, John?”

Johns breath catches and he rolls off of Phil, reaching to his bedside drawer and pulling out lube and a condom. He sets them on the bed and dives into Phil with hot, wet kisses that he feels right down to his toes. It’s so good, being desired. John wants him. It’s so uncomplicated. He’d chosen him, sat next to him, propositioned him, and now he’s all over him, clearly loving it, wanting more. He rolls his hips into Phil and moans softly, desperately. Phil’s hands move over John’s slight frame to his hips and push his boxers down as far as he can get them. John works them off the rest of the way, pulling himself up onto his knees a bit. 

There is a need growing in Phil, this had been about getting some pleasure for himself but now he just wants to take this man apart. He needs to know he has an effect on him, that he’s giving him something he couldn’t get from anyone else. He wants connection and he wants to feel something. Phil squeezes lube into his palm and coats the fingers of his other hand. He reaches down and takes John in hand, stroking him. He runs his palm over the head of his cock and John whimpers, his forehead head dropping down onto Phil’s chest. Long nimble fingers dip into the cleft of John’s ass, teasing, and petting, pressing gently into that sensitive ring of flesh. 

“Oh god, Phil, more.” He’s pressing back onto Phil’s fingers, arching his back, thrusting forward into Phil’s hand. He clearly can’t decide which sensation to run to.

“Shhh.” Phil takes his hand from John’s cock and moves it to lift his chin. He wants to cup his cheek but his hand is covered in lube so he just uses the tips of his fingers.

“Relax, we’re just getting started.” Phil smiles slightly and John leans forward to kiss him, biting at his lips, moaning. Needing a better angle, Phil nudges John to move and he scrambles up onto his hands and knees. His hips are wide for his slight frame, his skin golden. Phil kneels behind him, slides one finger inside and then another and another. It’s easy and John only sighs and leans in. It’s beautiful, the curve of his back, the dimples, the contour of his waist. It’s too beautiful, too familiar. 

“Turn over.” Phil growls and John does, excited, a sex drunk grin on his lips. He opens his legs and Phil pushes them back by the thighs, gripping harder than he should, staying grounded to this moment. John gasps and throws his head back against the pillow so it must be ok. “John?” 

John gathers himself and looks into Phil’s eyes. 

“Are you ready?” Phil asks as he rolls the condom over himself carefully.

John nods and Phil pushes in.

“Go slow. God, Phil. You’re fucking huge.” John says between panting breaths. Phil chuckles, he’ll never grow tired of that either. John whines as Phil slides deeper and deeper until he’s buried inside of him. Phil’s eyes close again. Those whines, those whimpers. The memories flood in but he wills his eyes open.  _ Don’t close your eyes. Look at him. _

He does look at him. He says his name and he catches each and every sign of pleasure John gives. He angles his body just right and lets John stroke himself because his hands are busy. They dig fingers into his hips, scratch nails over his chest, and brace against those lean thighs. Phil watches John’s face contort as he cums onto his chest and Phil let’s go, his orgasm forcing his eyes closed. Dan’s smile, his dimples, his wayward curl appear there, behind his eyelids as if they've been waiting patiently for their turn. He can’t look away. He squeezes his eyes tight and fucks through to the end. Dan’s name sits on his tongue.  _ Don’t speak, don’t say it. _

When he comes down, he opens his eyes and John is watching him, studying his face. 

After they both clean up, Phil looks around for his clothes.

“Phil, you don’t have to leave. That was, that was really hot. Let’s just hang out a bit, enjoy each other.” John looks so comfortable and inviting in his bed so Phil climbs in and pulls him into his chest where he lazily plays with Phil’s chest hair. 

Phil’s brain is awash with chemicals, the full range of emotions having a grudge match in there. Satisfaction, joy, longing, sadness, pain, anger, gratitude.

“Are you ok Phil? That was supposed to cheer you up, remember?”

“Yeah, I’m good John. Really. That was so good, thank you.”

John laughs, “please don’t thank me.”

They cuddle like that for a while, mostly quiet but for some small talk. 

“Phil, you seem like such a sweet guy and you're obviously going through something. You can talk to me if you need to.” 

Phil closes his eyes, “I don’t need to talk. I’m just working some things out.”

“Ok,” John reaches for Phil’s phone on the nightstand. “Well, unlock your phone so I can give you my number. In case you have anything else you need to work out in the future.”

Phil smiles and puts his finger on the phone to unlock it. “Is it ok if I sleep here?”

“Of course. I leave early but just let yourself out. I trust you.”

“Mmm.” Phil is already drifting to sleep. Through the fog, he hears his phone vibrate against the table as John puts it down and again a few seconds later. He doesn’t have the strength to do anything about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	9. Chapter 9

Phil wakes up alone in John’s bed. He wishes he would have thought to ask John if he has flat mates. This could be a very awkward exit. At least there’s an en suite toilet, thank heaven for small favors. He showers and dresses then sits on the edge of the bed, styling his hair as best he can with John’s products. The thought occurs to him that he must be a pretty good judge of character to have chosen John for his first one night stand in a very long time. Or maybe he just attracts good people. Either way, it was just what he needed and he wants to send John a thanks for a great time. He said not to thank him but he’d just have to bear it. Phil picks up his phone and the calm that had settled in swirls into panic.  _ Phil, I’m sorry. We need to talk. _

 

He shouldn’t text back, he should block him and move on with his life. Phil’s really good at keeping his life drama free. He’s very rational when it comes to relationships, good at accepting things the way they are. Unfortunately, Dan is a free radical, one who draws Phil in in ways he doesn’t fully understand and whose effect is yet to be seen. He stares at the phone for a full minute before hitting reply.  _ Sorry for what, Dan? For not telling me about your wife? Or are you just sorry you got caught? _

The phone rings. He’s got some nerve, calling. “Moshi moshi.” Phil says, because he always answers the phone this way and it just comes out, though his tone is utterly devoid of joy. 

“She’s not my wife.” Dan says, in the same lifeless tone as Phil.

“Sure Dan, whatever.” Phil says, annoyed, “I hope you don’t think we’re still going.”

Dan’s huff is harsh through the phone. “No, I know, but we do need to talk.” 

“I just woke up Dan, I’m not even dressed yet.” That’s not true of course but it’s the easiest stall he think of. 

“Ok.” Cautious, Dan continues, “I’ll bring coffee. We can go somewhere neutral if you want. I can be there in 30 minutes.”

“I’m not at home.” That feels petty but at least it’s the truth. 

“Oh.” He goes quieter, meek even. “Well, um. Phil, I really want to see you. I want to explain in person. I’ll go wherever you want me to.”

“I don’t know, Dan.”

“Phil, come on.” Dan pleads and Phil’s heart pulls, wanting so much to give in. 

“I have to go, bye Dan.” He ends the call and it hurts. It fucking hurts. It isn’t fair. He was fine. He was living his life, successful, happy, just fine until Dan wandered back in with all this want. It’s like he handed Phil a Pandora’s box he didn’t ask for and ran off before he could refuse it. Phil should have left it at the Starbucks but instead he opened it and everything burst out and now he can’t put it back. 

Pain usually leads you away from danger but heartache is unique, it asks for more. It whispers in your ear to call him, to see him, to walk right into the fire. So Phil clicks on Dan’s icon and drops a pin. He types,  _ This is where I am. I’ll meet you at the curb in 20 minutes. _

 

Phil buckles up, trying his best to look stern. Nerves prickle just under his skin though and he already feels tired from the effort of hiding it. 

“Fun night?” Dan says, as he hands Phil a coffee.

“Are you actually kidding me?” Phil says through his teeth. “You’re giving me attitude?” His voice is rising with every word. “Yes Dan, I had a great fucking night trying to forget that I let a married man, excuse me, an unmarried but clearly committed man, blow me over pastries.”

“Phil.”

“Turns out the best way to forget about a blow job you shouldn’t have had is to go out and get a new one.” Phil says.

“Ok, alright, I deserve that.”

Phil is seething. Any tenderness he felt at the sound of Dan’s voice on the phone is gone. How could Dan make him part of this? He’s never cheated on anyone in his life. Now he’s an accessory to hurting someone, someone who seems totally in the dark about all of it. Phil watches the wet storefronts go by in the rain. London can be so grey sometimes. He wishes he was back in John’s bed, in an alternate universe where he can pretend this isn’t happening. He imagines he and Dan at the beach, lying to themselves. He hates how good that sounds, how good it looks in his mind’s eye. How did he let this happen? 

“This was a bad idea. Pull over, let me out.”

“Phil no, let’s just talk this through.”

“Dan, so help me, if you don’t pull over, I will jump out of this goddamn car.”

“Ok. Jesus Christ Phil.” Dan pulls the car to the curb and Phil gets out. In seconds, Dan is beside him. “Phil, it’s pouring rain. Come back to the car.”

“You know, if you follow me, it kinda defeats the purpose of me storming off.”

“Phil please.” Dan’s voice cracks and Phil does his best to ignore it.

“Dan, you can’t park there.”

“Fuck!” Dan shouts from where he’s stopped. The car door closes somewhere behind Phil but there’s no engine starting. Realizing the tube station is the other way, Phil turns and walks back. From the corner of his eye, he sees Dan’s head is down, leaning on the steering wheel, his hands gripping tight. 

Before he can think, he’s opened the passenger side door and sat down. Dan turns to him with wet eyes and Phil opens his arms because he doesn’t know how not to.

“Goddammit Dan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	10. Chapter 10

Phil steps into the shower spray, running his fingers through his hair to push it back off his forehead. It’s his second shower of the day. He was soaked to the bone and this was the only way he could shake the cold. The heat is starting to sink in, he’s finally stopped shivering. Steam fills the space and Phil spares a moment of gratitude for his flat. The kitchen was all wrong and the garden was too small but he compromised because of this shower. A few deep breaths do nothing to clear his mind but he goes through the motions anyway. He should be angry and he is but mostly he’s sad and just so disappointed in Dan. What he can’t justify is the longing he feels, the pull toward Dan in spite of what he can only describe as deception. 

 

His shower in Manchester was tiny and he had no bath. Dan thought there was something very adult about only having a shower in your flat. The two of them barely fit in that tiny stall. They showered together anyway, squeezing past each other to take turns under the water, laughing as Dan pressed his back to the wall to make room for Phil to kneel in front of him, the water running into his eyes and over his nose, making it hard to breathe. This shower could fit half a dozen men, not that Phil has ever imagined that. It had been such a thrill to have Dan over to his place, his own place. Within weeks, Dan was practically living there with him. This place is really his though, like actually his. This, and the place just above him, which he rents out to couple of therapists. Maybe he should invite them over for a working lunch.

 

The steam is so thick now, life outside this shower might as well not be there but he can’t stay here forever. The world goes on spinning and Dan is out there, alone. Phil had only let him drive him home because he was dripping wet and it just seemed inappropriate to ride the tube or get into an Lyft. The mood had been dark. A quiet car in the rain has a way of magnifying the noir tones in any situation. Dan just looked so distraught. Phil remembers how he used to get when he’d sink into that dark place and not come out for days. He’s worried. Does he still go to that place? Is he safe out there, without Phil, without Jess? Phil steps out of the steam and towels off. His robe hangs on the door and he slips it on before exiting the bathroom into the cooler air of his bedroom. 

 

He’s never been so unenthusiastic about having an entire weekend free. What he should do is phone some friends, get out of the house, have a drink or watch movies and eat too much ice cream. His friends don’t know he ran into Dan though, he hasn’t mentioned him. They all know who he is, of course. Some of them were around back then, others have just seen the videos. Sat on the edge of his bed, Phil scrolls through his contacts, thinking maybe he can just see a film with someone. D is so bloody near the start of the alphabet. He stares down at the name, Dan, and taps once, his finger hovering. Looking up at himself in the mirror, he exhales, resigned, and taps the message icon. He’ll text a friend right after he sets his mind at ease.

**Phil:** Are you ok?

 

The response comes fast.

**Dan:** Yeah

**Phil:** Made it home alright?

**Dan:** Didn’t go home. I just can’t be at my house right now. 

**Phil** : But you were all wet. Where are you?

**Dan** : I’m ok. I have a coat and a hot drink. I found a bakery in your neighborhood 

 

He’s ok. Phil’s fingers squeeze around the phone. He taps his contacts again and looks over the names. He’s got good friends, they love him. Good friends who would have an opinion and he isn’t interested in what they’d think. He just wants to be free to make his own, terrible, delusional decisions for now. When he’s heartbroken, he can call them and they can say  _ you should have told me, I would have stopped you. _

 

**Phil:** Just come over here

  
  
  


The kettle steams and Phil pours, watching the grounds swell and bubble in the carafe. He always feels like some sort of alchemist when he makes coffee this way. He enjoys the ritual, the time invested. The sound of the buzzer breaks through his focus and he walks quickly to the door and buzzes Dan in, unlocking the door before he walks away. 

“Come in.” He calls, when he hears the knock. He’s on his second pour now and he can’t leave it just yet.

“Hey.” Dan says, solemnly, as he removes his coat and hangs it up. He walks into the kitchen and stares at Phil. “Don’t drink instant anymore?”

“Not if I can help it.” Phil says without looking away from the stream of water he’s pouring. “This just needs another minute.”

“Looks like you’re raking a rock garden. I’m impressed. I just use a French press.”

“French press is valid.” Phil says as he reaches up for mugs, one has a half naked anime character wrapped around it, the other is covered in tiny cacti. He holds them out to Dan, “Which one?”

“Sexy anime guy, I guess.” Dan attempts a weak smile. “The mugs are a comfort. I thought you might have grown too hip for me, with your cool London flat and your pour over coffee.”

Phil pulls the filter out of the coffee carafe and drops it into a pail on the counter. He fills both mugs and goes to get milk from the fridge.

“I just grew up, Dan.” Phil says tersely. “Sorry, all I have is almond milk.”

“Almond milk is fine though you aren’t doing much to disprove my theory that you’ve become one of those hip older gay men we used to be in awe of.”

“Well, I’ll let you know in 10 years, when I qualify as older.” Phil makes air quotes around the word, older, and Dan smiles at the way he still can’t do it without using his entire hand. 

They take their coffees into the lounge and sit. For a long while, they are silent, just drinking and occasionally glancing toward each other. Neither one of them knows where to start. Phil knows he must look angry but he’s really just trying to keep it together. It’s taking all his effort to deny the instinct to stand up out of his chair and walk to Dan, pull him into his arms and kiss him. He could kiss him for hours. Without the frenzied heat of desperation, that initial taught thread of want severed, he could just kiss him for as long as Dan would let him. 

“Phil,” Dan’s speaks timidly, “I’m not going to say I’m sorry because I know it doesn’t matter.”

Phil’s eyes stay on the window, watching the rain come down. 

“It doesn’t matter if I’m sorry and you don’t owe me anything. I’m asking you to try and understand and I’m hoping you’ll be willing to hear me out. I should have been clear all along. I was wrong. I know that. You have every right to be angry and hurt.”

Dan is steady, calm, but his eyes are still wet and Phil can see his chest moving with the effort of remaining composed. 

“I am angry, and hurt. But today, when you drove off, I was mostly scared.”

“Scared? Why?”

“Because you looked more than just sad or sorry, you looked broken Dan.”

Dan sighs and nods slowly. 

“I’m ok, Phil. I’m disappointed in myself and I’m struggling, to be honest, but I am ok. I really want the chance to explain but I don’t want you listen out of fear or pity. If you can see though all the bullshit and just be my friend right now, I know it's too much to ask, but if you can...” 

Phil puts his mug on the coffee table and moves to sit next to Dan on the sofa. 

“Ok.” Phil says and he takes Dan’s hand. “I’m listening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	11. Chapter 11

Dan met Jess at his first real job as a lawyer. She was teaching a workshop on cultural competency that all the new employees were required to take. The conference room was stale and stuffy but the sun shone through the window, taunting everyone stuck in the building. Jess walked in and stood in front of the room full of new graduates, her bag hanging from her shoulder.

“Hey guys, I’m Jess.” Her eyes floated dreamily to the window. “Wow, gorgeous day,” she said, distracted. “Alright kiddos, grab your stuff and follow me.”

She led them all down the elevator and out to the courtyard, where she taught the workshop with everyone sitting in the grass. She was funny and sharp, and a little weird. Dan was immediately interested. He’d been trudging through law school, hooking up, having a date here or there, but no one he’d met seemed worth the effort of more. 

Now, he watched the sun glint off of Jess’ black hair, noticed the freckles scattered across her cheeks and he felt something stir. He hadn’t felt that since he left Manchester and he wanted to keep feeling it. Once the group that had gathered around her to ask questions and thank her dissipated, Jess looked up to see Dan standing there, hands awkwardly in his pockets.

“Dan, right? Can I help you with something?”

“Um yeah, that was a great workshop. I didn’t think I’d learn anything but it was actually pretty informative.”

Jess smirked, “Yes well, I’m sure, as a young, attractive white man, you’ve learned all there is to know about cultural sensitivity in all your, what, 25 years?”

Dan felt his cheeks go hot. “27.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I sound like an entitled twat, don’t I?”

“Only a little. And you know it, so that’s half the battle.” Jess smiled at Dan and for the first time, he really saw her eyes behind the tortoise shell glasses perched on her nose. 

“Your eyes, they’re black.”

Jess laughed, “Yes, Dan, they are very, very dark. Did you want to ask me something?”

 

Phil got up to pour another cup of coffee but Dan put up his hand. “Maybe just a glass of water, I’m going to be a shaky mess.”

“I’d offer you an early dinner but I don’t really have any food in the house. I had planned to be away all weekend.” Phil said, surprised at the irritation that came through in that last sentence. “You wanna go out?”

 

“Nah. Maybe order in?”

 

Dan had come out of law school in a dark place and it just got darker. He’d been dealing with depression for years, or rather not dealing with it. Years of denial and avoidance came to a head just as he and Jess were getting serious. Phil had known Dan to spend days in bed, he’d figured out how to be beside him when he just had to sink for a while, but he had never considered how bad it may have gotten. He would go away without telling Jess, for days sometimes. He’d refuse to eat. He lost that first job and his second one because he just didn't show up. He spent weeks in their flat, terrified to go outside, crying every time he looked in the mirror. 

Jess had been his rock, the only person who really knew the depth of it all. She was there through the worst of it. When he was too low to care, she found a way in. He had years of therapy, including a quick stint in a residential facility when Jess had refused to shrug off his talk of death. She helped navigate the medications, the natural therapies, the meditation. She worked out with him and she held him accountable. 

 

They polished off 8 to go containers between them. Phil gathers up the empties and brings them to the kitchen.

 

“What you think Dan, wine? I’ve got scotch too.”

“Wine’s good”

 

Phil brings out a bottle and two glasses. It’s a good bottle. He isn’t putting on a show, he just likes nice things. He doesn’t bother with cheap wine. He pulls out the cork and pours.

“I have to say, Phil.” Dan takes a sip. “I’m continually impressed with your standard of living.”

“I always liked nice things, I just couldn’t afford them before. Things were so unsure back then.” Phil drinks and settles back in. 

 

“Jess is that way too. She says it’s because she didn’t start drinking till her thirties. Never wasted time on shit liquor. In so many ways, she taught me how to be an adult. I’m not proud of that.” Dan is fidgety, nervous. “Such a cliche, older woman finishes raising her man child of a boyfriend.”

 

“Something tells me she wouldn’t enjoy your relationship being described that way,” Phil challenges.

 

“No, I suppose not.”

 

“Listen, Dan. I have to be honest with you, Jess sounds incredible but it’s not making me feel better about what happened.”

 

“Yeah, I get that.” Dan says. “She is incredible. She’s my best friend in the world. She’s gets me like no one ever has,” and after a pause, “except you.” 

 

“So then why would you cheat on her?”

 

“Well, technically I didn’t. We’ve been off and on for, well for years. That day, we were off.”

 

“That sounds like bullshit.” Phil says.

 

“I know it does.” Dan says. He takes a deep breath before continuing “We had had a good week, we were really trying, or so I thought. That’s why I fell out of touch, I was focusing on her. She took the opportunity to bring up some... issues we’ve been having. So of course, I got defensive and acted like a dick and we fought and she said she was done. She’s said that before but she didn't even cry, she just said,  _ I’m done.” _

 

“Your girlfriend finally gets fed up and your response is to ask me to the cinema?” Phil says, losing patience.

 

“Kinda?” Dan makes an attempt at an apologetic expression. “I was angry, I told myself I wasn’t going back. But then I came home to no Jess and suddenly it was real. I thought I’d lost her and I’d fucked things up with you. I was really just coming over here to smooth things over. I never intended for things to get… the way they got.”

 

“Oh. I see.” Phil says flatly.

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“You thought you lost your best friend and you wanted to make sure you didn't lose your other best friend.” Phil said, his voice tense.

 

“Well, yeah. Is that so horrible?”

 

“I saw her the next day, Dan. The next day. I was so excited for our trip. God, the fantasies I had.”

 

Dan cheeks go a little pink in spite of himself. “I know. I’m sorry, that must have been so awful. God, it’s all so fucked up.”

 

“When did she come home, Dan? Before you asked me to go away for the weekend or after?”

 

“Does it matter?” Dan won’t look at Phil.

 

“Of course it matters.”

 

“When I saw you, in Chinatown, she had come home.” Dan replies.

 

Phil stands and walks to the window, he needs to do something with his nervous energy.

 

Dan continues, “but I just wanted a weekend with my friend. I wanted to reconnect.”

 

“She had no idea, Dan. She called you her partner, she had no idea you had even run into me.” 

 

“I know. I know.” Dan searched for words that would help Phil understand. “She came home the evening after I was over here. I don’t know, I was relieved. Maybe I felt guilty. It’s so confusing. She means so much to me but I’m not in love with her, Phil. I don’t know when it happened but I haven’t felt that way for a long while. I’ve been working up to leaving, I have. I know I’ve been selfish, hanging on but I also just didn’t want to hurt her. After everything she’s been through with me.”

 

“So you’re a coward.”

 

“Yeah. Yeah I am.” Dan put his glass down and reached for the bottle to pour himself another. Phil considered stopping him, realizing that allowing it is like an invitation to stay a while longer. Instead, he put his glass out as well. 

 

“I have been so scared to be alone and so afraid of losing her. But you’re right, I’m hurting her. And now I’m hurting you.” Dan says. “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now but I’ve worked so hard, Phil. I’ve come so far. I found a career I actually like and I’m good at it. I’m ok, like I’m just ok. And that’s huge for me.”

 

“So maybe you’re scared to rock that boat? Like if you upset the balance, that might all change?”

 

“You know, you could pretend to not be so fucking wise once in a while. Get out of my head, mate.” Dan says with a sad smile. Phil just shrugs and goes to open another bottle of wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	12. Chapter 12

By the time they were opening the third bottle, they hadn’t been talking about Jess for some time. They were on to trips they’d taken and guys Phil had dated. Phil talked about the the flat he rents out and how he’d planted the Japanese maple in the garden. Dan laid into him about having a housekeeper but Phil told a horrific story about a dead mouse in a mop bucket and Dan conceded that a housekeeper was the way to go. They’re proper laughing now. Tipsy and settled in to chatting like old friends. Dan nuzzles himself back into the corner of Phil’s big, squishy sofa. He looks soft and sleepy and Phil’s heart flips in his chest in a way that feels like a betrayal. A switch would be nice, a switch that would turn off all the growing feelings that he can’t do a damn thing about.

Phil’s aching heart and his tired brain and his tipsy body result in a rather loose tongue and before he can think better of it, he hears the question escape his lips.  
“Why did you leave me, Dan?” It sounds pathetic and Phil wishes he could edit that out and say it again, a new way.

Dan lets out a sigh that says he knew this was coming. “I went to law school.”

“Dan, you know what I mean. You cut me off. You stopped responding, no explanation, no goodbye.” Phil feels the wine churn in his stomach and he knows his isn’t the time to bring this stuff up but it it’s too late now. 

“You know, Phil, I spent the next decade fucking up my life, then trying to fix it. You got out just in time.”

“I didn’t get out, you left! You were my best friend and you just left. I would have been there for you. You were my family.” 

“Phil,” Dan sits up straight and leans in to Phil. “You know why.” He cocks his head and looks at Phil, trying to read him. “You have to know why.”

“No, I don’t.” Phil says emphatically.

“I was falling for you, obviously.” Dan says. “It scared the shit out of me. Wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t ready to be out, or be serious with someone. We’ve established that I’m a coward and I was no different then. I went to law school because I was scared of disappointing my dad and I cut you off because I was terrified of how you would react, of what it meant about me. I thought if I just walked away, I wouldn’t have to admit to myself that you were gone. I could pretend you were still out there, waiting for me. I never dealt with any of it. Those feelings just sat there, dormant, until I saw you. You should understand what I mean, though I imagine anger helped you get over me real fast.”

“Dan, you were my friend,” Phil answers, “and I know it was grey and complicated, but with all the love I felt for you, it was friendship to me and I thought that’s what it was to you. We made just made sense. I trusted you. The sex, I mean it was just easy and so good. We grew up together in that way. You helped me understand who I was.”

Dan looks away, his brow furrowed. 

“I’m sorry if this hurts you, Dan.”

“No, it’s ok. It’s in the past. I just can’t believe how stupid I was. Why didn’t I just talk to you?” He shaking his head, “I’m glad you’re back in my life, Phil.” 

“Am I though? I don’t feel like I’m in your life. I feel like I’m just on standby, for when your real life isn’t working out.”

“Phil,” Dan says, woefully, “It’s not like that. You’re my friend. It’s still feels the same, that connection we have, like no time has passed.”

“But time has passed, Dan. It’s not the same. I don’t think I can do that anymore, I can’t do it half way.”

Phil wishes he had stopped drinking 2 glasses ago. He’s drunk and it’s making him more emotional than he’d like to be right now. 

Dan nods. “Ok, I hear that. I wasn’t expecting things to be just like before. That’s fine. I know I have to figure my shit out. We can be friends, just friends, like normal people.” He says with a weak laugh.

Phil can’t figure out why he wants to yell. His chest feels tight like they’ve been arguing, like he needs to defend himself. “I don’t want to be your friend.” 

“Oh.” Dan is quiet when he adds, “I don’t feel like we can help that.”

“I mean, we can’t be just friends.” Phil says, as level as he can.

“Why not?”

“Because I want you every minute of every day and that’s not what friends look like.”

Dan’s face drops. He looks like the wind has been knocked out of him. A heavy quiet falls between them. 

“But, you said you don’t feel anything. I’m confused, Phil.” His expression is pained and Phil feels it in his gut.

“I said I didn’t have romantic feelings for you back then.”

“And now?”

“Now it’s different. I knew it the minute I saw you. It’s like the way I felt about you all those years ago, that closeness, that trust, it grew up. And now it’s not just friendship and it’s not just sex.” Phil draws in a shaky breath, “There’s something more, Dan and there can’t be more.”

Dan reaches out to brush a stand of Phil’s hair off of his forehead. His eyes flit over Phil’s face and he briefly touches his knuckles to his cheek. Phil’s eyes close at the touch.  
Dan speaks just above a whisper. “I should have fallen in love with you, but I ran away from the best thing I’ve ever had. I don’t want to lose you again, Phil.”

Phil pulls in a long breath, “Dan, I think you need to go.”

“What? Phil, no. Wait.”

“I don’t want to see you again till you’re sorted.” Phil fights back tears and musters up his courage. He walks to the door and pulls Dan’s coat off the hook, holding it out to him. 

“I hate this, Dan, I do. But you have to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	13. Chapter 13

Jess silently closes the door behind her. She hangs her coat and purse on the hook and slips off her shoes, kicking them in the general direction of the shoe rack. She’d take care of her bag later, right now, she just needs sleep. It had been good to be away, to go out with friends after a day of teaching workshops and sleep alone in a fresh hotel bed at night. It had been good to get a break from her relationship, from the negotiating, and the stress, and the effort of it all. It had been good to be away from Dan. Her professional life is so simple, she knows she’s good at what she does and she knows how to keep growing. At this point, there are very few things she knows when it comes to Dan, very few things she’s sure of. She loves him but she’s not entirely sure what that means at this point.

As she shuffles down the hall, Jess reaches up the back of her shirt and unhooks her bra. She pulls one strap off, then pulls the whole thing through the other sleeve, sighing with relief. She’s reached the door to the room she shares with Dan and she hangs her bra on the knob. Home does feel pretty good, she loves this house and her bed looks incredibly inviting. 

Dan is asleep, curled up like a child on his side. He’s beautiful. Dan is always beautiful. Jess watches him sleep, leaning in the doorway, wishing this peace could stay. Some days are good, days when they play and laugh and hang out. They’re best friends and some days, they act like it. Some days, it’s like they’re strangers, barely roommates. On those days, Dan avoids her or she avoids him, they speak in short commands and requests. Most days, they are simply polite with one another. Polite in a way that you shouldn’t have to be with your partner of 8 years. Too many days, they bicker and snap at each other. One or both of them end up yelling or crying or just leaving. They talk of breaking up. Sometimes, they go through the motions, Jess will say it’s over. Someone sleeps in the guest room. Eventually, they drift back together and it’s like the words were never spoken. Dan will sit closer, offer a massage, kiss her goodnight. He’ll ask about her day with a little too much excitement and he’ll say I love you. They start the cycle again. Jess tried, she’s been trying for years. He had to work, he couldn’t go away for the weekend. He didn’t show up for the counseling appointment she made. He’s too tired, he’s not in the mood, he’s doesn’t want to talk about this right now. Why do they have to talk it to death? He’s sorry. If she hears him say I’m sorry one more time, she really may break. 

Jess pushes her leggings down and off, stepping out of them and leaving them where they fall. She climbs into bed, facing away from Dan. She missed this pillow. Next time, she’ll bring it with her, a little piece of home. Dan extends his legs and scoots his body closer to Jess in response to the shifting covers. He’s behind her and she’s comforted by his warmth and his familiar shape. Something about it also makes her skin crawl. She wants to swat him away but she also wants to turn over and pull him closer. Dan shifts and she squeezes her eyes closed.  _ Stay asleep, stay asleep.  _ Then she feels it, he’s hard. Goddamnit. She wants to pull her knickers down and push her ass into that hard ridge. She wants to wake him up, arch her back, and feel him push inside her. She won’t though, she’s done asking Dan for sex. Rejection has worn her paper thin and she’s choosing self preservation over the incredibly slim chance that he might actually want her right now. It’s a terrible thing to be lonely when the person you love is laying right next you. 

Dan mumbles something low and throaty and Jess lays perfectly still. He’s never been a sound sleeper, so active, she doesn’t know how he gets any rest at all. He doesn’t grind into her but his hips roll just a bit and she feels him more clearly against the soft flesh of her hip. It’s muscle memory, it doesn’t mean anything. She knows if he woke up, he’d roll away, or worse, he’d apologize. It happens again and Jess carefully puts a few inches between them. The movement elicits another mumble but this time it’s clear. 

“Mmm, Phil, yeah.” 

Jess pulls in a deep breath and curses her heart for the crack she feels spreading across it.  _ Welcome home Jess.  _ She climbs back out of bed, grabs her pillow, and heads to the guest room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	14. Chapter 14

“Hey, welcome home.” Dan kisses her on the cheek as she moves about, preparing her tea. “Why did you sleep in the guest room? I didn’t even know you came home until I saw your bra on the doorknob.”

“It was really early, I wanted to sleep half the day without interruption.” She sits at the table, hands wrapped around her mug. Dan is opposite her. He’s done eating and she wishes he would go find something to do. “Aren’t you working today?”

“No, I kept today clear because you were coming home today.”

“Oh, yeah.” She sips her tea and burns her tongue a little. She’s annoyed and tired and she wants to be alone. “Dan, why didn’t you tell me about Phil.”

Dan could swear his heart has stopped beating but he stays cool, nonchalant. She can’t know, there’s no way she could know.

“What do you mean? I told you all about Phil. I showed you the videos.”

“Yeah, you told me all about your best friend Phil and how he became a famous YouTuber and how you had 15 minutes of fame when you guys made videos together. So why didn’t you tell me you were involved?”

“Involved?”

“Dan, can you please cut the bullshit. You and Phil were together all those years ago and I don’t understand why you would have left that out of all the stories you shared about him.”

Of course she figured it out, she knows Dan better than he knows himself. He needs to work on that. He’s not sure what to tell her because he doesn’t really know the answer himself. He didn’t want to admit his feelings to himself back then, though Jess knew he was bisexual and was bi herself. Maybe he was afraid saying it out loud made it real and if he let it be real, it would hurt again. Maybe he wanted to keep it all just for himself.

“We weren’t together, Jess. We were best friends and we had sex sometimes. That’s all it was. I guess I was a little embarrassed by the whole friends with benefits thing. Honestly, it wasn’t important to the story, I wanted you to know about our friendship and how much it meant to me and helped me to grow.”

Jess hummed. She clearly wasn’t buying it.

“Why does it matter? It was over a decade ago.” Dan clears his throat, choking on his dishonesty. He hates himself a little.

“Dan.” Jess’ eyes bore into his. “When was the last time you saw Phil?”

Dan swallows. He was going to talk to her. He was going to tell her how much she means to him and how they need to end it now before they end up hating each other. It was going to be calm and rational and mutual. He waited too long.

“Yesterday.” Dan sighs.

“Yesterday?! Were you with him while I was gone? Geez, I told him I was going away for the weekend. Did he call you?” Jess has a way of speaking that’s calm but still decidedly angry. Dan always feels small when she talks like that, like he knows he’s wrong even when he’s not. He's wrong now though, so wrong.

“No. Jess, I wasn’t with him while you were gone. I mean I saw him but I wasn’t with him. What are you asking, exactly?”

Jess raised a brow and nodded. “I was asking if you spent time with him while I was gone, but clearly it was a loaded question for you. And now I’m wondering what else I don’t know.”

“I ran into him, at Starbucks, a few weeks ago.”

“Oh.”

“I wanted to let you have a day at home before we talked about all of this.” His waves his hands in the air. “I wanted things to be ok, so we could talk without so much fucking emotion.”

“Dan, I told you I invited him to dinner and you acted like you hadn’t seen him in years.”

“I know. I’m sorry. You and I were in a rough place and I didn’t think it was a good idea to add anything to the mix.

“If you didn’t have anything to hide, you would have told me.” Jess looks so sad. Dan wants to reach out and hold her but he can’t. He can’t be her comfort this time, or maybe ever again.

“He didn’t know about you, Jess. He’s as mad at me as you are.”

“So you did sleep with him.” She looks a little pale.

“I thought it was over between us. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I’m…”

“Daniel, if you say you are sorry right now…” She takes in a breath. “I’m hurt. Because I need honesty from my partner and I need safety and autonomy. You were with someone else and didn’t tell me. What if we had slept together?”

“We both know that wasn’t gonna happen, Jess. And anyway Phil and I weren’t together in a way that would put you at risk.”

Jess got up and started wiping the counters and loading the dishwasher. Dan kept quiet while she worked out some energy. Eventually, he spoke, doing his best to keep a measured tone.

“I had planned to speak to you after this trip. I really do think we need to do something, before we…”

“Hate each other? Yeah, I was planning that talk too. I love you, Dan and I’m really scared right now. I’m scared because I don’t want to have to walk away from you completely. But this thing you did...” She wipes a tear. “Do you know how many opportunities I get when I travel for work? Do you know how easy it would have been to just get my needs met? Needs that haven’t been met in a very long time.”

Dan stomach twists and he listens. She’s not using counselor speak anymore. When she’s angry, she uses a method, but when she’s sad, she just talks. Dan knows what he did. He broke the one thing that hadn’t yet broken between them.

“You could have talked to me. You could have been brave enough to come to me before you let it happen.”

There’s that word again. “I know Jess.”

“I should have ended it a long time ago, ‘She says, “I haven’t been brave either.” There’s a long wait for her next words,  “Do you know why I never cheated on you, Dan, in spite of everything?”

“Cause you love me?” Dan says, his voice cracking.

“Nope. Not because I love you. I didn’t cheat on you because you’re my best friend and I respect you.” The words hit Dan like a punch to the gut.

“I don’t know what to say. Sorry doesn’t mean anything anymore, I know that. I love you Jess, but I don’t think I’m in love with you anymore.”

“I know.” She’s crying now, truly crying, tears running over her cheeks and it’s his fault. It’s years worth of tears and it’s awful to watch.

Dan stands and walks to her, he opens his arms timidly, “Jess, can I?” She steps into his arms and lets herself go, sobbing into his shoulder. He whispers, “I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	15. Chapter 15

Dan packs enough that he won’t have to come back for a while. He doesn’t want to sort out the house and the money and all the things that come when you think you are planning a life with someone. He leaves his key. It’s not his home anymore and Jess should feel free to come and go without worrying whether he’s going to drop by. They own it together so they will have to decide what to do but that’s for a later time. He’s trying to be better at breaking up than he was at being together.

Three suitcases is a lot. Jess pokes a little fun at him as he drags them down the hall, having to make two trips. They are in sad but good spirits, knowing this should have happened long ago, each silently hoping to be friends again someday. The goodbye starts out awkward but Jess leans in and kisses Dan on the cheek.

“It’s gonna be ok, Dan. Take care of you, alright?”

He nods and walks quickly to his car. And that’s it, a chapter of his life has closed and he’s on his own. He drives straight to his therapy appointment and then on to a hotel in the west end. He can walk to most of his clients from here and it’s near all his favorite places. It is, admittedly, all together too fancy, too expensive, but it’s just till he finds a rental and he deserves some pampering right now. Ok, he doesn't’ deserve it but he wants it anyway. 

Time alone is vastly overrated. Dan has a reputation for never going out, for never calling his friends, for disappearing off of social media for months at a time. People think he’s a loner, a moody, arty, edgy loner. In reality, he hates being alone, it scares him. But so does being with more than one or two people at a time. Jess understood that.  She liked to go dancing but she didn’t care if Dan didn’t come along and she definitely preferred an intimate dinner to a big party. Phil gets it too. Phil is the exact same way, except he does like to be alone sometimes, he needs it. Dan remembers camping out at Phil’s place for weeks and Phil finally asking him for a night off to recharge on his own.

Of course Phil gets it. Even with all the ways they were vastly different from each other, Phil always understood and accepted Dan. And Dan accepted him, with his quirks and his clumsiness, and his super dorky sense of humor. He didn't just tolerated those things, Dan loved those pieces of Phil. He loved every piece of him. It’s impossible not to imagine what could happen between them now, if they allow it. If Dan hadn’t fucked it up, they’d be friends right now. He could go to him, get one of Phil’s incredible hugs. That can’t happen though. No more blurry lines. Dan takes his phone out of his pocket and opens his contacts. Scrolling down, he taps Phil’s name and stares at the red text at the bottom of the screen,  _ delete contact.  _ It’s not like he can’t get a hold of him if he needs to but this way, he can’t be impulsive. It needs to be Phil that reaches out to him and if that never happens, so be it. He takes a deep breath and taps delete, then finds their text thread and deletes that too. That number has traveled from phone to phone since he was 18 and now it’s gone. 

His life sits in the corner, stuffed into three suitcases, and he wonders what he’s supposed to do next. His therapist said to be with his feelings today. She said he should let it all come full force. He’s been in pretty heavy denial and it’s time to just live in it, cry about it, shout, laugh, reach out if necessary. Tomorrow, he has to look for a place, see clients, and go back to his routine, so for today, he gets to just care for his heart. With that thought in mind, Dan walks to his smallest bag and pulls his laptop from the front pocket. He kicks off his shoes and sits in the bed, leaning back on the headboard. He pulls up YouTube and types in AmazingPhil. He’s subscribed from over a decade ago but he hasn’t visited the channel in ages and then only to show Jess the videos he had been in. Phil shines back at him from the screen, black quiff, sparkly jumper, those insane blue eyes. He hits play. 

Two hours later, he’s autoplayed through Q and As, storytimes, collabs, and some disastrous baking. Phil is still so funny, a little less weird but still unique. He’s heartfelt, not afraid to be sincere. Dan is smiling for the first time today, his body warm and heavy with exhaustion and letting go. The sun has gone down, he rubs his eyes and strips off his clothes without getting out of bed. Curling up on his side, he pulls his laptop close and clicks the little pull down menu, selecting oldest to newest. There it is, Phil is not on fire. He blushes a little remembering that day. Chuckling already, he pulls the covers over himself, hits play, and let’s this day be over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	16. Chapter 16

Phil’s friends are getting restless. He hasn’t seen anyone in months. Nose to the grindstone, he’s been incredibly productive but not at all social. It works for him. A busy mind does less wandering, less daydreaming of chestnut eyes and dimples. The days go by and it’s good to have some forward momentum. Friends are important though and the time comes to nurture that part of his life. It’s just a few people over for games, it’s fine.

He hasn't come back to this Waitrose since he walked out and left a trolley full of food behind. He’s sure guards will be waiting for him, demanding payment for the perishables. His friends deserve the most pretentious snacks though, so he’ll risk it. Having gathered everything he needs for a nice low effort spread, including a very impressive selection of tarts for dessert, he checks out. No sooner has he stepped outside than he sees her. They make eye contact, there’s no avoiding it.

“Hey Phil.”

“Hi Jess.” He tries not to sound irritated “Is your office near here or something?”

“No, I was having lunch with a friend. I’m never in this neighborhood. I literally haven’t been here since I last saw you. I guess it’s fate.” She laughs, “Some kinda really fucked up fate.”

Phils laughs too, grateful to know he’s not alone in really hating this. “How are you, Jess? How’s Dan?”

Jess looks utterly confused, “I was just about to ask you that. Dan and I split up Phil, 2 months ago. He’s not staying with me, I haven't heard from him. I just assumed you and he were…”

Phil shakes his head. “I haven’t heard from him either.” 

“Oh. Hmm.” Her eyebrows pull down. “Maybe I’ll check in with him.”

“Yeah. Was he ok when he left?”

“I mean, as good as could be expected.”

‘Sorry, I’m sorry,” Phil scratched at the short hairs on the back of his head. “I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“It’s ok, really.” She looks like she might excuse herself but she doesn’t. “You should know, I don’t harbor any ill will toward you, Phil. None of this was your fault. Oddly enough, I’m not angry, not even at Dan.” She shrugs. “My heart was breaking for so long, turns out the final blow wasn’t as shattering as I would have expected. I miss him and it was rough for a bit but I’m ok.”

“Good, I’m glad you’re doing well Jess.” Phil wants to be kind to Jess, he does, but he’s a little worried now.

“Phil, would you like me to let you know he’s ok? After I check in.”

“Oh. Oh no, I don’t want to be a burden. You don’t need to be thinking about me right now.”

“I’ll tell you what. I’ll slide into your DMs.” She grins. “You can decide whether to read the message.”

“Ok Jess, thank you. You’re very kind.”

“No reason not to be,” she says, still smiling. “Stay well Phil.”

 

There’s a lightness in Phil’s body. He hadn’t realized the weight he’d been carrying until it was gone. Jess is good. She’s lovely and kind and she’s doing alright. Game night is well and truly fun and he doesn’t bring up Dan. That night, he checks his Twitter DMs but there’s nothing from Jess. He considers turning on notifications but he’d never get a break so he lets it go for now and goes to sleep.. 

On the tube back from the YouTube space, Phil scrolls through the #amazingart tag on Twitter and retweets a drawing of him in a Santa hat, a scene from his latest baking video. He’d been speaking to a group of thoroughly bored content creators. They all looked like literal children. Phil feels old but he also feels so glad he’s not 20 anymore. It’s out of habit that he taps the little envelope in the corner. 

_ Hey Phil. I talked to Dan. It was pretty ok. Seems like he is doing really well. He rented a flat in Shoreditch. Be well.  _

 

Of course he did. Of course he rented a lovely little flat in a cool neighborhood and he’s doing great. Phil feels giddy, that little update is like a ray of sun shining right into the underground. He needs to hurry home as his Christmas tree is being delivered this evening. This week will be all festive drinks and shopping and next week, he gets to see his family.

 

The tree is delivered by a very fit young man in skinny jeans and a parka. Phil enjoys the view but barely flirts at all. His mind is elsewhere, searching and scheming and then it hits him. It would be pretty stupid to challenge how great things are right now. It would be crazy to risk being hurt when he has everything he needs. He has everything he needs but not everything he wants. He opens Twitter on his phone, finding the message from Jess and responding.  _ Thanks so much Jess. Any chance you have an address for Dan? Promise not to stalk him, just want to send a Christmas card.  _ It’s a long shot but the response comes within the hour, while he’s hanging lights on his tree. He opens the app where he ordered his tree and chooses a beautiful fir, not too tall, lights installed, next day delivery. He kinda wishes he could request a less attractive delivery guy. There’s a gift option and he fills out the card.  _ Merry Christmas Dan.  _ He includes his number, followed by,  _ In case you lost it. _

  
  
  


There’s a hot cup in his hand and bag full of newly purchased gifts on his shoulder. Phil sits on a bench beneath some twinkling lights to check his list. He loves this, it’s his favorite thing, the cold, the decorations, finding just the right presents. He sets his cup carefully beside him and pulls his phone out of his pocket. Phil gasps and jumps a little where he sits, almost knocking his cup to the ground. He hadn’t felt the vibration through his coat pocket but he has a message. 

 

**Dan:** Some people just send flowers.

 

His hand shakes as he types.

 

**Phil:** Too much?

**Dan:** Not at all. It’s beautiful and very you. Thank you.

**Phil:** You’re welcome. I’m sure you will give Sally a wonderful home.

**Dan:** You named the tree Sally?

 

**Dan:** Of course you did. One problem though.

**Phil:** What’s that?

**Dan:** I don’t have bobbles or a star or anything.

**Phil:** I have loads. You can have my extras. 

Phil sips his peppermint latte, waiting for a response.

**Phil:** Am I crossing a line? I can go. You can delete this. Sorry. Keep the tree.

 

**Dan:** Phil. Give me a minute, will you? I’m happy to hear from you. So happy. I missed you.

 

**Phil:** I miss you too.

 

**Dan:** You don’t hate me?

 

**Phil:** Not even a little. 

 

**Phil:** Will you come help me decorate my tree? Then you can pick some stuff out to take home for yours.

 

**Dan:** Are you inviting me over?

 

**Phil:** Yeah I am. Tomorrow?

 

**Dan:** Are you sure Phil? Like are you really sure?

 

**Phil:** I want to see you Dan. It’s been long enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	17. Chapter 17

The flat hasn’t been this clean since the last time Phil’s mum came around. Phil hangs a wreath on the door and another above the mantle. There’s a fire in the fireplace. He bought a real live garland and he strings it as artfully as he can. It’s crooked, a little messy but Phil’s so excited he doesn’t care. The tree is gorgeous, the best one he’s ever had. It’s all lit up and ready to be decked out. There’s just one more thing he wants to do. After hearing from Dan last night, Phil had run one last errand. He’d found a perfect sprig of mistletoe with lovely white berries and a red velvet ribbon, tied in a bow. 

After rummaging around his kitchen junk drawer for ten minutes, he finally found a mug hook and hung the sprig from the ceiling, just above the sofa.

 

Phil is admiring his handiwork, proud of himself for not falling off the the back of the sofa, where he had balanced, when the buzzer rings out. He takes a deep, cleansing breath like he learned in therapy, to calm his nerves, and buzzes Dan in. Dan’s hand is up, ready to knock, when Phil opens the door.

“Hi.” They both say, at the same time. Dan smiles, embarrassed and just stands, waiting for an invitation. Phil grabs Dan by the hand and pulls him through the door and into his arms. He holds him there, close as he can, drinking in the feel of him. God, he missed this. When he finally lets go, Dan is blushing and Phil is mesmerized by that rosy little patch on his cheek and the way his skin seems to glow in the soft light of Phil’s lounge. He’s staring, he knows it, but that’s what they do. They gaze at each other, awestruck. He didn’t make the rules.

 

Dan lifts his eyes over Phils shoulder and draws in a dramatic breath.

“Phil! Your place!” Eyes wide, Dan takes it all in and Phil steps aside to give a better view. “What a tree! Incredible, I am impressed. Again” 

There are four big utility boxes stacked next to the tree, just full of festive baubles, childhood ornaments, and all the bits Phil has collected over the years. One box is just the tackier decorations he doesn’t put out but can’t bring himself to get rid of. Dan drops down to the floor and starts pulling things out. 

“I can’t believe how much stuff you have!”

There are a few things from their days together and they hang those first. One is a glass lion ornament Dan had given Phil that has miraculously survived all these years. In reality, it’s owing less to a miracle and more to the fact that Phil has shown it the utmost care. There’s the box of baubles they bought to hang on the first tree they had together. All but two have long since broken and been discarded. They remember their plastic tree and how weird it smelled, how it flashed and changed colors like you were at a rave. They laugh about dancing around the tree to Dan’s house music beat boxing. It seems the memory of what happened under the tree after dancing hits them both at the same time and it’s suddenly quiet. 

“We need music.” Phil gets up and puts on his Christmas music playlist. Mariah Carey belts out a classic.

“Wow Phil, so modern.”

“This song is timeless and you know it.” Phil looks through the boxes till he finds his favorite topper. It’s gaudy and out of place and has seen better days.

“An angel, Phil? I thought you were a star guy.”

“My grandma left it to me. It’s ugly but it means a lot.” He hands it to Dan who stands and stretches to place it atop the tree. Phil’s heart flips watching Dan turn a simple tradition into something more. He pulls out his phone just in time to snap a photo and his mind betrays him with the sweetest caption.  _ Our second first Christmas. _

Dan steps back to turn off the lights and they meet in the center of the room, shoulder to shoulder, in the brilliant light of the tree.

“Not bad.” Dan says, fondly.

Phil can’t speak, he’s slotted in next to Dan like the only two pieces of a puzzle. Slowly, he raises his arm and lets it rest on Dan’s waist. Met with no resistance, he pulls in gently and feels Dan’s head fall back onto his shoulder. This is all he wanted, all he wants. It’s natural and right, the two of them. They stay there, warmed by the fire and each other. Phil thinks he may cry or fall asleep or something so eventually, he breaks through. 

“Should we watch a movie? I can make cocoa. Unless you need to go.”

“I don’t need to go.”

Phil makes cocoa with gourmet chocolate and giant marshmallows. He pulls a big knit blanket out of a basket near the hearth and plants himself in the corner of the sofa. Dan fits between his knees just like he always did. They pull the blanket up over them and slip into soft silence. Gremlins isn’t romantic to most but it was always their festive movie. There’s quiet laughter and sighs that have nothing to with the movie. When the cocoa is gone, Dan nestles in a little lower, fully reclined against Phil’s chest. 

The credits roll and Phil realizes his hand has found its way into Dan’s hair. He closes his eyes to focus on silky curls slipping over his knuckles and between his fingers. 

“Am I crushing you?” Dan asks softly.

“Only in the best way.” Phil answers, a whisper of of a laugh coming from Dan in response.

Phil tugs gently on Dan’s hair so that he looks up at at him. Shifting slightly, he leans down and kisses those full pink lips he’s been dreaming of, fitting them together the way every part of them fits together. They linger in that deep, soft place and then Dan pulls away and smiles up at Phil.

“Mistletoe.” Phil says, pointing above their heads.

“Well played.” Dan replies and he reaches his lips toward Phil in a request for more.

Kissing is easy, it’s like they’ve kissed everyday for a decade. These mouths have not forgotten one another. It is different though, for Phil at least. There’s a warmth spreading through him that would have been a bolt of lightning when they were new. They are unhurried, even as the heat between them grows and they can feel each other's hearts beat faster as affection turns to desire. Dan has turned to his side and Phil snakes his arms around his chest, pulling him all the way around. Dan’s knee is wedged up into the cushion now, his other leg between Phil’s, their bodies pressed close. There’s no hiding the swelling between their legs but neither one moves to get any sort of relief. They just kiss, moving deeper and deeper into one another. 

Phil pulls his lips away, finally, and kisses Dan on the cheek, if only to catch his breath. Dan rests his head on Phil’s shoulder and listens as his breathing calms.

“Phil,” Dan begins, “We should slow down. I don’t think we should rush into this.”

 

Phil huffs, he’s been suppressing every emotion, every impulse since Dan came back into his life and he’s ready to let it all out. He knows he should feel conflicted in light of everything that happened, but he doesn’t. Still, he knows Dan is right. He’s not even sure what this thing between them is. 

“Yeah, ok. I really don’t want to slow down right now, but you’re right.” 

They haven’t moved. Dan is still melted into Phil, but at least they’re talking. 

“Can I take you to dinner?” Dan says, it’s a bit of a mumble due to the way he’s pressed into Phil neck.

“What?” Phil says.

Reluctantly, Dan pulls himself upright. They both straighten up and face each other.

“Can I take you to dinner?” Dan repeats. “I want to woo you.”

Phil giggles, “Woo me? Dan, I’m literally hard right now.”

Dan shoves his shoulder and suppresses his grin. “Shut up. I mean it. I need it to be different. For the first time in my life, I’m not leaning on anyone. I need it to stay that way for a little bit.”

Phil’s smile softens, “I’m listening.”

“I want you, obviously.” Dan rolls his eyes, gesturing in the general direction of his jeans. “But I want to see if we can actually work. I know it sounds dramatic but I feel like I need to right a wrong in my life. I never should have left you Phil.”

“You did what you needed at the time.” Phil says, so sincere. “I wasn’t in love with you, then. We weren't on the same page, who knows what would have happened. Things work out the way they’re supposed to.”

Dan wants to roll his eyes again at that last bit but he’s fixated on  _ wasn’t in love with you, then.  _ Then. Phil had told him how he he felt but those words, that’s real. Phil could fall for him. Is falling, now, in the present, right alongside him. They’re falling together.

“I want to see what could happen if we try. With this version of you and this version of me.” He takes a beat, “If we don’t work out, it could be over, like well and truly over. That’s scary as fuck. Which means I have to be brave, and I know I don’t have a great track record with that. It would be safer to just be your friend, but to quote you, ‘I don’t want to be your friend, I want to take your clothes off.’” Dan smiles and casts his eyes down and Phil thinks he might burst from how much he cares for this man. 

Dan continues, “If you’ll give me a chance, we can take it slow. Get to know each other again. Clean slate. Do you think, do you think you’d want to like, date me Phil?”

 

Phil smiles so wide, it aches a little. “Yes Dan, I think I’d love to date you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	18. Chapter 18

Dan wasn’t joking. He shows up for their first date with flowers. On the second date, he brings a small succulent in a pot the color of Phil’s eyes. They talk everyday when they both go home for Christmas, actual calls where they can hear the other’s voice and respond without thinking. Each date they go on ends at the door with a chaste kiss, for the first couple dates anyway. There is drunk make out session on a friends sofa on New Year’s Eve but that seems like a reasonable exception to Dan. Phil doesn’t understand all the restraint at the beginning, he was just respecting Dan’s boundaries, happy to take it at his pace. Now though, he sees some value in all the courting. They are getting to know each other in a new way and this kind of attention is nice, especially coming from Dan. He opens doors for Phil, pulls out chairs, and walks on the outside of the payment. They steal kisses and touches and they lean into each other when they walk. They whisper and pet in dark restaurant booths and the kisses at the door become longer and wetter. Their dates are different than any other part of Phil’s life, like a little vacation. He’s never been so spoiled and it’s just so much fun. 

Phil’s been in London a while, he’s got good taste and enough money to enjoy what he likes. Trying to surprise and delight him again and again is a challenge but Dan is a creative man. They go to a magic show, followed by a Wizard themed bar where you make your cocktails like you’re mixing a potion. They go to a stunning rooftop bar for dinner and drinks overlooking London. Phil gets recognized sometimes and Dan doesn’t hide, he just be beams with pride. Eventually, Phil introduces him as his boyfriend. The fan shakes his hand with too much enthusiasm and he beams again. One Sunday, they catch a matinee of a musical in the West End. Dan holds Phil’s hand, in this place where people might know him, and Phil’s heart glows warm in his chest with the step forward. After, they ride the London Eye.

“You ok, Dan? Your eyes are all teary.”

“Yeah.” He squeezes Phil’s hand. Just reminiscing about Manchester, when we rode the eye. That kiss meant so much to me. My poor little closeted bi heart was a mess. Don’t know why I’m so emotional, sentimental I guess.”

“Baby.” Phil says sweetly. “I’m sorry I didn’t get it. I thought we were being so deviant, boys making out in a semi public place. The whole time you were trying to be romantic.” Phil puts his hand over his heart. “I am a clueless oaf and I apologize.”

“Were a clueless oaf. Now you’re just an oaf.” Dan looks out over the water and the lights shimmer from the tears in his eyes. “You just called me baby.”

“I did? I mean, yeah I did!” Phil laughs.

“Do it again.”

“Baby.” Phil slides his hand behind Dan’s neck. “Come here, baby.” He pulls him close and looks into those smiling, wet eyes. If Dan is wondering if this kiss on the wheel is anything like the last, Phil is going to remove all doubt. This is romantic, this is mutual, and the kiss leaves no question. 

  
  
  


When Phil’s birthday arrives, he’s already had two celebratory dinners with two separate groups of friends and has another planned for the coming week. Dan goes to every one. Meeting all of Phil’s friends is crazy, a couple of them used to be his friends. They all marvel in the story, the romance of it, Dan and Phil, fated to be together. Dan doesn’t even argue, a tiny part of him may even agree. His actual birthday is reserved for family, Dan included. This leaves the night before for Dan to celebrate with Phil, alone. He shows up with a bouquet of chrysanthemums and a box of handmade marshmallows. They go to a dog show and then to dinner at a place where they make the food at your table. Phil loves a gimmick. They drink champagne and Dan toasts to Phil’s mum for pushing him out all those years ago.

The night ends too soon, Phil’s family is coming in the morning and they keep normal hours. His mum gets tired in the evening and Phil wants to be sure she enjoys her visit. 

 

The kiss goodbye is almost too much. Dan pushes Phil back against the door, his hand lazily slipping into his coat. Phil grips his ass in an effort to put all this sexual tension somewhere. They lean there, kissing and groping with a total disregard for the neighbors. 

When they finally pull apart, Dan sweetly says, “Happy birthday Phil. I’ll see you tomorrow. 10, right?”

“Mmm, you should come in.” Phil runs a finger over the buttons on Dan’s shirt.

“What kind of girl do you think I am?” Dan says in a terrible southern American accent.

Phil groans, “Are you saving yourself for marriage? Cuz I’ll do it, Dan, if that’s what it takes to get into your pants.”

Dan laughs and it doesn’t do anything to ease the tension. That smile always gets to Phil, all he can think of is the things he could do to make Dan feel too good to smile. 

“Phil, to be clear. I want to, I really want to. It’s not too fast?”

Phil raises his brows, “Seriously? I’m woo-ed, Dan. Consider me woo-ed.”

Dan chuckles and shakes his head. “I want you to trust me.”

“I do. It’s ok if it’s not time. I can wait.” He takes Dan’s face in his hands and kisses him softly. “I see you Dan. I see all the work you’ve done and who you’ve become. I see you and I hear and I trust you.”

 

Dan looks down and shuffles his feet. He does this when he’s embarrassed by sincerity. His cheeks are pink, his shoulders hunched. He runs his hand through his hair. After few moments, he looks up at Phil through his lashes. He does this too, when his thoughts have traveled somewhere less wholesome. His lips curl into what can only be called a smirk and he nods.

 

Phil opens the door, takes Dan by the hand, and leads him into his bedroom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has short chapters. This one, not so much. Smut takes so many words so hee’s a long one.

Phil takes off his coat and hangs it in his closet. He turns and stops where he is. Dan is stood, just inside the bedroom door, watching. The lamp on the bedside table bathes the room in just enough light to bring all the soft hues of Dan into focus. He hadn’t dressed warm enough and his face is full of color from the cold. Moving closer, Phil takes in just how the pink in the blush of Dan’s cheeks contrasts with the pink of his lips. The tiniest of smiles plays on those lips. He’ll kiss them, he will, but not yet. Kissing would lead to heavy breaths and hands moving and urgency, so much urgency. Dan is finally here, in his room, completely honest and open. Nothing is going to rush Phil through this. 

Dan slips his coat off and leans to throw it over the back of a chair. Without a coat in the way, his neck is on full display. Phil knows things about this neck and he wonders if they all still hold true. Fingertips slip into Dan’s collar, just above the bone, they trace over the thrum of his pulse, up over the map of muscle, sliding fingers back and around, until Phil’s hand cradles his neck, his thumb moving along the soft skin of his jaw. 

Dan exhales slowly. “Is it hot in here?” Dan says with a smile and he moves to begin working the buttons of his shirt open. 

“It’s just you.” Phil says. He drops his hand and steps back.

“You wanna do this?” Dan asks, brows raised.

“Nope.” Phil says. “Wanna watch you do it. Slow down, will you?”

Dan gives Phil a quick peek at his dimples before dropping the levity for his signature seductive face. It would be cheesy, biting his lip like that, if it weren’t so fucking sexy. 

 

Every inch of skin revealed sends a rush of arousal through Phil. The shirt falls to the floor and Dan reaches for his belt. “You want me to keep going?”

Phil nods, he tries to smile but all he can manage is a lick of the lips, distracted by the effort of holding back. Dan’s hand moves in slow motion, pulling the leather strap from the buckle, leaving it hanging open to move to the snap on his jeans, pulling his zipper down. 

Stepping out of his shoes and his crumpled jeans, just in his pants, Dan is suddenly on Phil, kissing his neck, pulling off his jumper and the shirt underneath in quick succession. He’s been so composed but now it’s clear he’s been holding back too. Phil is completely overwhelmed by the first brush of Dan’s fingers over his chest. So much for a slow build. Dan drags his fingers down over soft hair till he reaches Phil’s jeans. Pushing them down, he lowers himself slowly, looking up at Phil as he does. He rubs his cheek against the hardness of Phil through his pants and Phil hooks his hands under his arms and pulls him up, face to face. 

“You are going to kill me.” Phil finally leans in to kiss Dan, just a small kiss, his tongue dipping in to taste Dan for only a moment. “Into my bed now. Please.”

Dan’s smile is so warm as he pulls the covers all the way back and climbs on to the bed. His head rests back on a stack of pillows, one hand thrown up over his head. It’s the most enticing picture Phil has ever seen, even his feet are pretty. Phil’s eyes follow the long line of Dan’s legs to the sharp jut of his hips, over his soft belly to his strong, broad chest, and those pretty brown nipples. He wants his mouth on those nipples. Finally, he’s looking into beautiful brown eyes again and he sees a question.

“What?” Phil asks softly.

“The way you’re looking at me,” Dan says. “You’d think you’d never seen me like this before.”

Phil climbs over Dan and sits, straddling his hips, looking down at him. 

“I have definitely never seen you like this before.” He says.

Their lips meet and they kiss, deep and full of things they haven’t said out loud yet. Phil moves lower, his mouth inching its way toward Dan’s neck. He’s not thinking anymore, not trying to make it good. He’s just reveling in the taste of Dan and the way he gasps when Phil’s tongue flicks against his skin but moans when he sucks. His hand has found its way to Dan’s chest and his palm grazes over a hard nipple, eliciting a small moan of his own. Ducking his head, he wraps his lips around that tiny nub and sucks. Giving in to his own desires, he licks and bites and plays with Dan’s nipples, feeling him buck and arch beneath him. It is unspeakably hot.

Dan’s hands are pushing Phil’s pants down over the curve of his ass, digging his nails into the soft flesh. He wiggles out of his own as well with some difficulty and no help from Phil who has moved on to showering Dan’s stomach with kisses.

Phil suddenly realizes that nothing lies between him and Dan’s cock and he immediately pulls back to get a better view.

“Oh my gosh”

Dan laughs and watches as Phil touches him tentatively, so careful.

“Phil, it’s not porcelain, it won’t break.”

Phil swallows and looks up into Dan’s eyes. “Haven’t seen you from this angle for a while.” With that, he presses his lips to the tip of Dan’s cock, parting them to let it slide inside his mouth. Pulling his lips slowly off the tip, he moves to lick up the length of him and once again, envelopes him in wet heat. Dan’s hand rakes through Phil’s hair, tugging and pulling as he sucks. Phil loves this, the weight of Dan on his tongue and the shape of him, in his hands, under his lips. He’s moving up and down now, slow and teasing, sucking and licking, and enjoying every second of it. 

Dan’s whimpers and moans grow more desperate and Phil is ready for whatever Dan wants to give him.

“Fuck, fuck, I can’t. Stop Phil, I can’t take any more.” 

Phil stops and pulls himself to Dan’s side. “You ok?”

Dan’s arm is over his eyes. “You need to fuck me now, ok?” He moves his arm and turns his head to look at Phil. “This torture is divine but I need you. Now. Ok?”

With a deviant laugh, Phil kisses Dan’s cheek, “Sorry, I just wanna eat you alive.”

“We have time. Save something for next time.”

Phil sits up and leans back on the headboard. Without a word, Dan gets what they need from the bedside drawer and climbs into Phil’s lap. He rolls the condom onto Phil carefully and strokes over him with lube, then coats his fingers and reaches behind himself. Phil is speechless, watching Dan get himself ready, eyes closed, lost in the pleasure of his own fingers. In just a few minutes, his eyes flutter open, still heavily lidded, and he leans forward, lining Phil up, his hand on Phil’s chest. Slowly, he sinks onto Phil, taking him deeper and deeper until he’s seated right down on Phil’s hips. 

“Holy shit.” Dan breathes, looking down at Phil looking up at him.

“I love you.” Phil says.  _ Shit.  _ You definitely aren’t supposed to say that for the first time during sex. His dick is buried in Dan’s ass, and he just said I love you. He’s too completely enraptured to do anything about it right now. Anyway, he means it, at least right now he does. Dan doesn’t react but moves so his forearms rest on Phil’s shoulders and lifts himself until just that sensitive tip sits inside his rim. 

With a loud groan, Dan pushes himself down again, his eyes squeezed shut. Phil’s heart beats like a drum, sweat beading on his temples. Soon, he’s properly riding Phil, moving his body up and down, slow and rhythmic, and just as he picks up the tempo, he says, “I missed you Phil.”

“I missed you too, baby.” Phil returns, though this feels fresh to him, every touch a new sensation.

Dan’s breathing is rapid, high pitched whines slipping through his lips. It’s not all new, Phil knows this. He’s stroking Dan’s pulsing cock, he always liked to cum first. Dan pauses and Phil fucks into him from below, his own orgasm building. When Dan comes, it’s beautiful. His head is thrown back, all of his noises halted in his throat. Phil commits it all to memory as he strokes him through it. Wrapping his arms tightly around Dan, Phil holds him tight as he continues to fuck hard and fast. Heat spreads through him, concentrating in his heart, then his belly, and finally in his balls as they pull tight to his body. He chants Dan’s name softly as he cums with a thrust that holds him deep inside, his mouth pressed to the space below Dan’s ear.

They stay in the embrace for as long as they can. Too soon, Phil slips out of Dan with a whimper from them both and they pull apart for a cursory clean up. Soon Dan is back in the bed, his arms open, inviting Phil to snuggle. He does, his head resting in the space below Dan’s shoulder, arm thrown over him. Dan kisses Phil’s head and plays with his hair. He wraps his leg around the one Phil has hooked over his thighs. They are tangled and soft and it’s a perfect metaphor for what they both are feeling.

“Wait,” Dan’s fingers freeze, “What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything, I’m proper speechless.”

“No, no. Not now, earlier. When I was, when we were…”

“Oh. That.” Phil says, blushing, though Dan can’t see it. “Heat of the moment, sorry. We don’t have to talk about it.” A few quiet moments pass and Phil settles in to drift off to sleep.

The clock on Phil’s dresser says it’s quarter after midnight.

“Happy Birthday.” Dan says, listening to Phil’s breath grow soft and even. “I love you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a prologue

**_2 years later_ **

 

Phil’s finger drums a nervous rhythm on the side of his mug. Tap, tap, tap, tap. His knee bounces to the same beat, and his heartbeat isn't far behind. His hands are cold and sweaty and he scrunches his nose as he wipes them on his napkin. Where is she? The waiting is awful. He hears the bell on the the cafe door and turns. Oh god, she’s here. It’s really happening. He stands and turns into her open arms.

“Phil! Oh my god, I’m so fucking excited! How are you?” She’s a great hugger, a full wrap of the arms and a nice tight squeeze. “Hold that thought. I need coffee. Safety first!” She runs off to order and Phil is left alone with his trepidation until she returns.

“OK, how are you? You look a little pale. Actually, you look terrified. It’s gonna be alright, Phil, it’s only the first step. Just take one baby step at a time.

“I'm always pale but yes I’m terrified.” Phil’s voice goes up in a squeak that has him blushing. “Thank you so much for coming, Jess.”

“Of course, doll. How’s life? How’s Dan? I feel like I’ve been out of the loop”

“Yeah well, you got a girlfriend and abandoned your friends.” He teases. “Life’s good Dan is wonderful. All is well.”

“Blech, you are insufferable.” Jess says.

“You love me.” Phil says with a cheesy grin. His hands have almost stopped shaking. 

“I do. And thank you for asking about my girlfriend.”

“Did I? Can’t remember that.” He scratches his head and Jess shoves him. “Ok, ok. How is Kirsten? Kristen? Kristina? I’m sorry, I’m bad with names.”

“It’s ok, you only met her once. Her name is Becca though so I’m a little concerned that you may be having a stroke.”

“Becca! That’s right. She seemed really great, Jess.”

“She is.” Jess smiles in to her coffee and Phil does too. 

“So,” Jess begins, “Where are we headed on our search today?”

Phil tips his mug back, finishing his coffee and spilling a dribble onto his jumper. “Little upscale vintage place. I have my eye on one.” He dabs himself with a napkin.

Jess wiggles in her seat like an excited child. “Well, let’s go then!”

The shop is only half a block away. They bundle up, wrapped in scarves and mittens and make their way. Phil loses Jess immediately to a shelf full of vintage medical supplies. 

“Ew.” Phil says, his lip curling in disgust. “Is that a bedpan?”

“No I think it's the pan where they throw your organ after they remove it.” Jess sounds delighted.

“You are super weird. Come help me.” Phil tugs on her arm.

They stand in front of the glass case, watching as the clerk pulls out a velvet lined tray. 

Jess reaches down and plucks a ring from the tray with a gasp.

“Phil, it’s perfect.”

“That’s it, I knew it was perfect! You picked it just like that. And it's only a little too small so sizing shouldn’t be a problem. I was worried about that, his fingers are so huge.” Phil is rambling.

“Woah, tmi.” Jess says and giggles when Phil raises one brow incredulously.

“Ok, this is it. I’ll take it.” The clerk takes the ring back and takes down Phil’s name and number and the desired size. Phil hands her a credit card and she says the ring will be ready in a few days. 

They walk along the pavement, chatting about tv shows and festive plans and Jess’ new house. Out of nowhere, Phil stops in his tracks. “Oh my gosh, Jess, I just bought an engagement ring.”

“I know, Phil.”

“I’m going to propose to Dan.”

“I know, Phil.”

“What if he says no?” Phil says with panic in his voice.

“He won’t.”

 

**_9 months later_ **

 

“Hi guys! Thanks for coming, I’m gonna tweet before I forget.” Phil picks up his phone and tweets out  _ Come hang out with me, I’m live now!  _ After shouting out to fans, Phil settles in to telling funny stories and giving some pretty good advice. 

“I’m probably going to head out soon, guys. My stomach is arumblin’. You can probably hear it, can you hear it?” Phil grabs the mic and puts it to his stomach. “That’s weird, let’s not do that.” 

He looks at Dan behind the camera and nods. Dan shrugs and grins and that’s Phil’s cue. He very casually reaches to scratch his head with his left hand and he chat explodes into action.

_ What was that! _

_ Is there a ring on your left hand? _

_ Did you get married? _

_ Holy shit! _

_ Oh my God PHIL!!!! _

 

“Oh yeah, I guess I can tell you guys. I got married last month!” Phil’s face lights up. “We haven’t been great at keeping our relationship a secret so this may not be a  total surprise. If you are a lifer or just a stalker who went back and watched all my videos, you know who Dan is. So without further ado, this is Dan.”

Dan plops down on the sofa next to Phil and salutes with two fingers “Hello internet.”

 

_ This is so exciting! _

_ So happy for you guys! _

_ I knew it!!! _

_ Congratulations Dan and Phil! _

_ Does this mean we get another PINOF? _

_ He is hot, Phil! Congrats! _

_ Oh my god PINOF! More PINOF! _

_ You guys were destined to be together. _

_ AW! And they lived happily ever after! _

 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/allthephils)
> 
> And if you liked this fic, consider a reblog of the [tumblr post](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/178665118445/something-so-strong-allthephils-phandomthe)


End file.
